Marriage

If ever been married, have you had a marriage that ended in divorce?

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#676
#676
Gator H8R said:
Well, ive been at my moms for 2 weeks now. This started about a month ago. She said she wanted space so I left. Well I am a basket case. An absolute wreck. I told her I wanted an answer today on whether she wanted to fix our marriage or not. I hate to put pressure on her but I feel she has had ample time to decide. My heart cant take any more of this hanging in the dark stuff. I mean, if you love someone, it shouldn't be that hard of a decision. Right?
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Right! I don't get the I need space for longer than a day idea. You either know you want to make it work or you don't, and if you have to think that long then you don't. I personally wouldn't want to wait around for a decision either, so pressure away.
 
#677
#677
Gator H8R said:
Let me give a little back story here. Been with my wife for the better part of 7 years. Bought a house together almost 2 years ago. We have a little boy that will be 5 next june. We have had usual spits and spats but who doesn't right? For the most part we have had a good life together.

Thought I would drop by here and say I was dooped ladies and gents. Im right there with ya Pimp. 3 months after our wedding she told me she wasn't happy. That she loved me but wasn't in love with me. 3 months ago everything was perfect. Awesome wedding, wonderful honeymoon and all was great. I keep asking if there is someone else and keep getting a no that's not it. She goes to work and she comes home. But of course, even if there was, guess she wouldn't tell me anyway.
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It is a tough one that I have been through as well. The "I love you, but not in love with you" line can be like a dagger through the heart. What I am about to say to you shouldn't be taken as an absolute fact in your situation, it's just my own personal experience.
When you hear that line, most likely there is someone else. At the very least, someone has caught her attention. It all really depends on what kind of woman she is if anything beyond that has occurred. The worst thing that you could hear now is that she needs time apart. That might mean that she is looking to pursue her interest further.
The problem is that marriage is not treated as seriously in today's society. People treat it more like going steady instead of the pledge of a lifetime devotion to one person. I hope that things work out for you, brother.
 
#678
#678
Gator H8R said:
Well, ive been at my moms for 2 weeks now. This started about a month ago. She said she wanted space so I left. Well I am a basket case. An absolute wreck. I told her I wanted an answer today on whether she wanted to fix our marriage or not. I hate to put pressure on her but I feel she has had ample time to decide. My heart cant take any more of this hanging in the dark stuff. I mean, if you love someone, it shouldn't be that hard of a decision. Right?
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Damn.
Keep in mind that my earlier post was my own experience. Yours may not be the same.
 
#679
#679
Doyle Hargraves said:
Damn.
Keep in mind that my earlier post was my own experience. Yours may not be the same.
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I don't think it is. We truly have had a great relationship. I believe her when she says there isn't anyone else. I also believe that she would be honest with me if there was.

Youre right that line is a dagger.
 
#680
#680
Gator H8R said:
I don't think it is. We truly have had a great relationship. I believe her when she says there isn't anyone else. I also believe that she would be honest with me if there was.

Youre right that line is a dagger.
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Sorry to hear. Whatever happens, I hope it's for the best for you both.
 
#681
#681
Jasongivm6 said:
Sorry to hear. Whatever happens, I hope it's for the best for you both.
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Thank you. If we didn't have a child together, I would just take the shot in the gut, get up, dust myself off and move on. He deserves for his parents to fight for their marriage. I just am not seeing a lot of fight from her end.
 
#682
#682
Gator H8R said:
Let me give a little back story here. Been with my wife for the better part of 7 years. Bought a house together almost 2 years ago. We have a little boy that will be 5 next june. We have had usual spits and spats but who doesn't right? For the most part we have had a good life together.

Thought I would drop by here and say I was dooped ladies and gents. Im right there with ya Pimp. 3 months after our wedding she told me she wasn't happy. That she loved me but wasn't in love with me. 3 months ago everything was perfect. Awesome wedding, wonderful honeymoon and all was great. I keep asking if there is someone else and keep getting a no that's not it. She goes to work and she comes home. But of course, even if there was, guess she wouldn't tell me anyway.
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Gator H8R said:
So in short, I guess I am saying **** marriage.
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Hard to understand how things can tank so soon after your marriage/honeymoon when you have been together for 7 years.
 
#683
#683
PKT_VOL said:
Hard to understand how things can tank so soon after your marriage/honeymoon when you have been together for 7 years.
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Not really pkt. She has a kid. She has a house. Will soon get half his money.

A buddy of mine had the same exact thing happen. My brother is currently dealing with something very similar.
 
#684
#684
PKT_VOL said:
Hard to understand how things can tank so soon after your marriage/honeymoon when you have been together for 7 years.
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That's what bugs me the most. Here is the real kicker. She told me she thought she would change how she felt once we were married. After going into that a little deeper, she explained that she didn't feel that she didn't love me before we married, only felt comfortable/bored/plain. We had already lived together for 5 years anyway. Which is fixable. Thats actually pretty common in marriage. The whole "im not in love with you" thing just sprung about a month ago.

Regardless, if you feel bored or have that routine feeling in a relationship that's something you should damn sure discuss before taking vows.
 
#685
#685
Obsessed said:
Not really pkt. She has a kid. She has a house. Will soon get half his money.

A buddy of mine had the same exact thing happen. My brother is currently dealing with something very similar.
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This is actually a part we have discussed already. If it gets to that point, we are doing joint custody and nothing court ordered financially wise.
 
#686
#686
Gator H8R said:
This is actually a part we have discussed already. If it gets to that point, we are doing joint custody and nothing court ordered financially wise.
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Good for you my friend. I hate you are going through this. I wish you and your family nothing but the best.
 
#688
#688
I love you but I'm not in love with you. It really means I loved you @ somepoint in time but not @ THIS point on time. If you actually loved her, this is a harpoon through your heart. Move on now. Do not hesitate. It will only get worse. Putting pressure on her will only serve to make her angry & bitter at you. It will hurt like hell to admit to yourself that she doesn't give a **** about you anymore and developed this feeling while living right beside you for years. And you must also realize that she felt unhappy with herself long before she was "unhappy" with you. You will however take the blame for her unhappiness. And once she she begins to actually tell YOU about her feelings please understand that she is no longer "connected" to you anymore (good luck figuring out what that **** means). She most probably has at least dealt with another man. Not saying sexually, but it is likely. She most likely wouldn't expose her feelings to you until she has a person or safe place to turn to in your (assumed) absence. Because she hopes you leave and make it easier on her. You will hurt even more when you realise that she went through this whole break up process without even including you in it at all. Once she made her mind up, then she informed you. So you really had no chance to make any corrections. It is over. Move on now. There is no way in hell a person needs "space" from someone or something that they truly love and need in their life. She needs "space" to do and say things that she doesn't want you to hear & see. She has moved on in her mind, so don't waste anymore of your time. You will only make things worse. She will do whatever she wants anyway (and whatever it takes to be separate), so it is best to just let her go. I know leaving flies in the face of bring a husband & father, but the alternative is pushing her into a figurative corner, and she WILL come out swinging. Move on and save whatever dignity and pride you have left. You've been warned.
 
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#690
#690
Really it is your own fault. She showed signs of her true character but the signs were ignored due to user error. Love can blind you. And when you can finally see the light, it is because it is getting shined in your face. And that is far too late.
 
#691
#691
She's messing with somebody else. Pretty obvious. Don't use the child to guilt her into "fixing" anything it will just prolong the inevitable.
 
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#692
#692
The bad thing about working it out is if she isn't completely honest with you or herself. You said that she told you she went ahead with getting married because it felt comfortable. If that is the truth, she might get cold feet when it comes to going through with whatever she has going on. If that happens and she stays simply out of comfort, be prepared to go through this again at some point.
 
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#693
#693
Really sorry to hear this news Gator H8R. You clearly know her better than anyone, though your thinking could be clouded by emotions at this point. If your parents have a good feeling about her (or perhaps a close friend you can trust) you may want to get a second opinion.

The reason I say this is because here's what you really need to determine... imo. Even if she decides to stay married at this point, is she the type who will really stay committed, and put forth the effort to make the marriage work, or is it likely that you will be in the same situation a few years down the road? You need to think about this, and make YOUR decision, irrelevant of what she may decide.

Depending on how long you've actually been married perhaps you could get an annulment. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, but if one (in this case... your wife) isn't really committed then I also think its best to end it as soon as possible so both of you can get on with your lives. This is why YOU need to make a decision and not just wait on her to decide your fate. I would hate for either of you to look back 5-10 years from now and realize you had wasted a big part of your life in a non-loving relationship.

Just my $.02.
 
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#695
#695
Seems to me at some point in the relationship she has realized it's not right for her. However, because you were living together and had a child, she did feel a sense of duty and things kept escalating to the point of marriage. HER mistake was not having the balls to walk away before the wedding. Instead she let it happen and now feels like a cornered animal. The weight of duty the wedding/reality of marriage carry served as her trigger and she snapped.
 
#696
#696
Gator H8R said:
Let me give a little back story here. Been with my wife for the better part of 7 years. Bought a house together almost 2 years ago. We have a little boy that will be 5 next june. We have had usual spits and spats but who doesn't right? For the most part we have had a good life together.

Thought I would drop by here and say I was dooped ladies and gents. Im right there with ya Pimp. 3 months after our wedding she told me she wasn't happy. That she loved me but wasn't in love with me. 3 months ago everything was perfect. Awesome wedding, wonderful honeymoon and all was great. I keep asking if there is someone else and keep getting a no that's not it. She goes to work and she comes home. But of course, even if there was, guess she wouldn't tell me anyway.
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Some women are in love with the thought of being in love, and having the thoughts of "Happily ever after". Yet, once they are trapped, married that is, they realize they can't just go out and do what they want anymore. I've read some on your situation, and as hard as this is to say, especially after going through what I went through in my first marriage, just bide your time. Don't make snap decisions based on emotions, because it leads to worse decisions based on those same emotions down the road. If she decides to end it, let her take care of it. If you don't truly want it, don't do it yourself, because you will feel more guilty than relieved.

Just don't let emotions lead the way here, they will overwhelm your judgement, and cloud everything around you. Just take care of your son, and let her figure it out. If she wants to be a grown up about things, she's going to have to learn that decisions she makes effects more than just her.

So, make the best decisions for you and your son, for the time being, and let her figure it out, if you think it can be saved. There it too much at stake here to tread these waters lightly.

With that said, I hope the best for you man, and time with help things along.
 
#697
#697
Well she hasn't made the decision yet. I am fully prepared to hear what I don't want to hear. Im passed the hurt part at this point and just pissed. The quicker this is over with the better.
 
#699
#699
g8terh8ter_eric said:
Some women are in love with the thought of being in love, and having the thoughts of "Happily ever after". Yet, once they are trapped, married that is, they realize they can't just go out and do what they want anymore. I've read some on your situation, and as hard as this is to say, especially after going through what I went through in my first marriage, just bide your time. Don't make snap decisions based on emotions, because it leads to worse decisions based on those same emotions down the road. If she decides to end it, let her take care of it. If you don't truly want it, don't do it yourself, because you will feel more guilty than relieved.

Just don't let emotions lead the way here, they will overwhelm your judgement, and cloud everything around you. Just take care of your son, and let her figure it out. If she wants to be a grown up about things, she's going to have to learn that decisions she makes effects more than just her.

So, make the best decisions for you and your son, for the time being, and let her figure it out, if you think it can be saved. There it too much at stake here to tread these waters lightly.

With that said, I hope the best for you man, and time with help things along.
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This is the point ive been giving to here. People can feel this way. Its not uncommon. It just takes effort. The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.
 
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