Marriage

If ever been married, have you had a marriage that ended in divorce?

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#701
#701
Gator H8R said:
This is the point ive been giving to here. People can feel this way. Its not uncommon. It just takes effort. The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.
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It's not just about that, but people look at marriage in what it means today, instead of looking at the other person and asking if this is who they want to wake up to on their 80th birthday. If most people are honest with themselves, they will take the time to discover who they want to be with, instead of convincing themselves who they would accept being with. Also, it takes a lot of faith in a marriage. Faith that the other person cares as much about you and your wants and needs, as much as they care about their own. The sad part, there is never that balance in a lot of marriages, and they fail. I know it's an old cliche, but to give is better than to receive is something that marriage is all about. If you make someone happy by giving your all, then they should reciprocate, especially if they feel the same way. Sometimes it takes time for someone to see it, and maybe that's what is needed in your case. Either way, there is always hope for the future, trust me on that.
 
#702
#702
All women are crazy in some fashion. They have to be. I mean, they carry babies in their bellies that drain brain cells by the millions and its kindly freaky anyway. You just hope you pick the one that goes loony about goofy stuff vs just flat beatch loony. Problem is you don't always know. Its like a lottery ticket and you don't know if its a winner or a loser.
Whatever you guys do, just do right by yourself and children in these cases and you will be ok. If you have limited time with kids, make them the best times your kid will have, and spend the rest of your time on the new phase of your life. Who knows where it will take you if you let the one dragging you down go.
 
#703
#703
Spartacavolus said:
All women are crazy in some fashion. They have to be. I mean, they carry babies in their bellies that drain brain cells by the millions and its kindly freaky anyway. You just hope you pick the one that goes loony about goofy stuff vs just flat beatch loony. Problem is you don't always know. Its like a lottery ticket and you don't know if its a winner or a loser.
Whatever you guys do, just do right by yourself and children in these cases and you will be ok. If you have limited time with kids, make them the best times your kid will have, and spend the rest of your time on the new phase of your life. Who knows where it will take you if you let the one dragging you down go.
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Like a $1 scratch winner, or Powerball winner? Just trying to make sure what odds we are playing with here. :)
 
#706
#706
g8terh8ter_eric said:
Some women are in love with the thought of being in love, and having the thoughts of "Happily ever after". Yet, once they are trapped, married that is, they realize they can't just go out and do what they want anymore. I've read some on your situation, and as hard as this is to say, especially after going through what I went through in my first marriage, just bide your time. Don't make snap decisions based on emotions, because it leads to worse decisions based on those same emotions down the road. If she decides to end it, let her take care of it. If you don't truly want it, don't do it yourself, because you will feel more guilty than relieved.
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The bolded is often true.

I also find that people tend to falsely believe that marriage will change their relationship for the better. Some people believe the same with kids.

All of the above are dangerous.
 
#707
#707
PKT_VOL said:
The bolded is often true.

I also find that people tend to falsely believe that marriage will change their relationship for the better. Some people believe the same with kids.

All of the above are dangerous.
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Kids are your purpose for livin PKT...
 
#712
#712
PKT_VOL said:
So I hear. Don't have kids yet.

I am talking about people who have kids with someone specifically for the hope that it will magically improve their relationship with someone.
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Kids make a relationship harder..because you focus more on the kids happiness, and not the relationship with your spouse
 
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#713
#713
Paranoid woman Debbi Wood forces fiancé to take lie detector test whenever he leaves the house| Mail Online

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Controlling: Debbi Wood, 42, of Leicester, is so paranoid that her partner Steve Wood, 30, will stray that she also checks his phone, email accounts and bank statements several times a day for evidence of infidelity
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Problematic: Miss Wood said t her jealousy got worse when the pair moved in together as she tried to monitor Mr Wood's every move
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Not allowed: Miss Wood won't let him watch The Weakest Link 'in case he fancies Anne Robinson'
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#715
#715
Gator H8R said:
That's what bugs me the most. Here is the real kicker. She told me she thought she would change how she felt once we were married. After going into that a little deeper, she explained that she didn't feel that she didn't love me before we married, only felt comfortable/bored/plain. We had already lived together for 5 years anyway. Which is fixable. Thats actually pretty common in marriage. The whole "im not in love with you" thing just sprung about a month ago.

Regardless, if you feel bored or have that routine feeling in a relationship that's something you should damn sure discuss before taking vows.
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In my opinion, this is where you went wrong. Moving in with someone before you marry them. Especially for 5 years! The divorce rate is high when this happens.
 
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#716
#716
phowell23 said:
In my opinion, this is where you went wrong. Moving in with someone before you marry them. Especially for 5 years! The divorce rate is high when this happens.
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I kinda of disagree here. I'm going to live with them before marrying them. I think its crucial for a marriage to succeed. They may have querks that you should know about before marriage.

Jmo
 
#717
#717
phowell23 said:
In my opinion, this is where you went wrong. Moving in with someone before you marry them. Especially for 5 years! The divorce rate is high when this happens.
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It's gotta be higher when you marry somebody before you live with them then.
 
#718
#718
Obsessed said:
I kinda of disagree here. I'm going to live with them before marrying them. I think its crucial for a marriage to succeed. They may have querks that you should know about before marriage.

Jmo
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It makes sense to do so (test them out first). However, researchers show that those that move in before marriage are also less conventional on the idea of marriage and thus open to divorce more (both partners or just one). I think the stats are 50% higher chance of divorce (don't quote me on that).
 
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#719
#719
phowell23 said:
It makes sense to do so (test them out first). However, researchers show that those that move in before marriage are also less conventional on the idea of marriage and thus open to divorce more (both partners or just one). I think the stats are 50% higher chance of divorce (don't quote me on that).
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This is a great argument. But, I have a buddy that was raised this way. No living with. Only after marriage. Both his marriages failed after a year each. This last time, he went against these ideals and seems much happier.

I know it's only one example, and I sure there are examples of it contradicting this.

I do however think you are right about the length. 5 years is too long.
 
#720
#720
Obsessed said:
This is a great argument. But, I have a buddy that was raised this way. No living with. Only after marriage. Both his marriages failed after a year each. This last time, he went against these ideals and seems much happier.

I know it's only one example, and I sure there are examples of it contradicting this.

I do however think you are right about the length. 5 years is too long.
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True dat. Happened to my brother and brother-in-law. I think the real issue is women are sold on the idea of marriage more so then men. For men it's a hard sale but once we finally agree to it we stick with it (well in most cases at least). Women instead jump into the idea easier and thus jump out easier.
 
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