Marriage

If ever been married, have you had a marriage that ended in divorce?

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#776
#776
PimpVol said:
Worst part is she quit before I knew it. It wasn't like we both sat down and discussed it. She made her decision, then informed me. My salvage efforts fell on deaf ears.

Which would indicate my marriage was over before I knew. Who really knows how long ago she had checked out? All I do know is my wife is gone.

As far as re-marriage goes, it wiill be decades before I trust another person with my heart. Likely never. That is too much power to give someone. Other people are not very good caretakers of your heart. My wife destroyed mine.[/QUOTE
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#777
#777
PimpVol said:
Worst part is she quit before I knew it. It wasn't like we both sat down and discussed it. She made her decision, then informed me. My salvage efforts fell on deaf ears.

Which would indicate my marriage was over before I knew. Who really knows how long ago she had checked out? All I do know is my wife is gone.

As far as re-marriage goes, it wiill be decades before I trust another person with my heart. Likely never. That is too much power to give someone. Other people are not very good caretakers of your heart. My wife destroyed mine.
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Don't beat yourself up. That is just the way of women. They, more times than not, are going to have an escape plan and will make damn sure that you have no clue what's going on til
it's too late. Move on. Understand that her opinion of you is meaningless. You were not put here on this earth to measure up to her standards. Remember this when her little plan blows up in her face and she wants you back. Be prepared for the "I messed up" and " want my family back" bs.
It's coming.
 
#778
#778
PimpVol said:
Worst part is she quit before I knew it. It wasn't like we both sat down and discussed it. She made her decision, then informed me. My salvage efforts fell on deaf ears.

Which would indicate my marriage was over before I knew. Who really knows how long ago she had checked out? All I do know is my wife is gone.

As far as re-marriage goes, it wiill be decades before I trust another person with my heart. Likely never. That is too much power to give someone. Other people are not very good caretakers of your heart. My wife destroyed mine.
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Hows it going with your boys?, Are you seeing them
 
#779
#779
PimpVol said:
Worst part is she quit before I knew it. It wasn't like we both sat down and discussed it. She made her decision, then informed me. My salvage efforts fell on deaf ears.

Which would indicate my marriage was over before I knew. Who really knows how long ago she had checked out? All I do know is my wife is gone.

As far as re-marriage goes, it wiill be decades before I trust another person with my heart. Likely never. That is too much power to give someone. Other people are not very good caretakers of your heart. My wife destroyed mine.
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Trust me brother, when you find one that truly values you and what you want to do in life, its easier than you think to let her in. I didn't even think it was possible for me to be happy again, but that was just me being down on myself for being with someone who didn't value me at all. Take it day by day, relearn how to enjoy your life, re-evaluate what you want in a woman, and don't settle just to be happy.

I promise you that its rather easy to stay where you are, but where the blessing comes in is when you realize that you are worth more than you think you are right now, and you make it a daily effort to move on and live your life for you and your kids. When you realize that, the possibilities are endless, and so is your chance at happiness with another woman in the future.
 
#780
#780
I guess I can appreciate the fact that I've been single for basically my whole life. I respect marriages that last for a long time. Maybe I'll get lucky and find someone someday.
 
#781
#781
Burger said:
I guess I can appreciate the fact that I've been single for basically my whole life. I respect marriages that last for a long time. Maybe I'll get lucky and find someone someday.
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I don't know how old you are, but don't be in a hurry.
 
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#784
#784
Probably made up story, but there is enough truth in it to at least make you think...

https://www.facebook.com/Plexusyear/posts/1425489521021481

Very interesting....

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband/boyfriend.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband/boyfriend?"

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband/boyfriend you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband/boyfriend:
"I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.


Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you??

4. What now? Did you crash the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the f*** did you do now?

7. ?!?

8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she??
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#787
#787
Burger said:
I'm still young, but I'm not getting married anytime soon.
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set goals to accomplish and ones you would like for your spouse to have accomplished before you get married. For example, I wanted to be over 30, solid job, own my house and a "practical" car. I wanted to find someone similar and that matched my goals for later in life (kids, career, etc). Oddly enough I met my wife about 6mos after I had accomplished my checklist. I had other opportunities but looking back I see how unhappy I would have been with anyone except my wife

heard a guy on the radio lay out what would be the proper order: school -> job->marriage->kids. I personally think many more marriages would work if that was followed since it forces responsibility
 
#788
#788
utvolpj said:
heard a guy on the radio lay out what would be the proper order: school -> job->marriage->kids. I personally think many more marriages would work if that was followed since it forces responsibility
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Not many people can argue the order of establishing a family. The problems comes in most people realizing that just because they were able to hit the lottery of life and maybe find their soulmate, most men out here are dating/marrying landmines that can blow your life, family and wealth away at any given moment. Congrats to you and you should consider yourself one of the lucky ones, but you are not out here having to deal with the real deal f**kery going on with women that know they have the law and the courts on their side.
 
#789
#789
Rasputin_Vol said:
Not many people can argue the order of establishing a family. The problems comes in most people realizing that just because they were able to hit the lottery of life and maybe find their soulmate, most men out here are dating/marrying landmines that can blow your life, family and wealth away at any given moment. Congrats to you and you should consider yourself one of the lucky ones, but you are not out here having to deal with the real deal f**kery going on with women that know they have the law and the courts on their side.
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Has nothing to do with luck. I knew what I wanted and saw no reason to settle.

And save me the lecture on how hard it is out there. Also your line about "most men" is completely ridiculous. I've been married for only 5yrs so I ran into every type out there. Difference I didn't knock some chick up I barely knew or marry the first girl who (insert Ferris Beuller speech here). Most seem to have no patience anymore

I don't blame the Nigerian scammers as much as I do the idiots sending them money. If easy marks weren't out there they might have to get a real job
 
#790
#790
utvolpj said:
set goals to accomplish and ones you would like for your spouse to have accomplished before you get married. For example, I wanted to be over 30, solid job, own my house and a "practical" car. I wanted to find someone similar and that matched my goals for later in life (kids, career, etc). Oddly enough I met my wife about 6mos after I had accomplished my checklist. I had other opportunities but looking back I see how unhappy I would have been with anyone except my wife

heard a guy on the radio lay out what would be the proper order: school -> job->marriage->kids. I personally think many more marriages would work if that was followed since it forces responsibility
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I'll probably not have a problem with that. I'm not exactly a chick magnet. Being ugly is not all that bad because you don't have to deal with preggers, stds, or *****y hoes.
 
#791
#791
As a college student, I have noticed that the pressure to find a significant one is forced upon my generation very quick in college. Women especially want to get married right after college. Not all, but many feel this way. I would say over 80%. That is because they want to be supported right away. Maybe that or they are needy. I'm not sure.

I kind of feel pressure to get married soon too, as my older brothers both did almost as soon as they graduated college. However, I feel like it will take me much longer for various reasons, which is fine with me. I plan on going to graduate school when i graduate in a couple years.. So I'm focused on my school work and bettering myself before really 'searching', and more than likely it will happen without me 'searching'.. it'll just happen.

An ex girlfriend of mine, we still talk (dumb me), told me that her next relationship will be a serious one, and she won't date anybody unless she can see herself getting married to him.. She is only 19 years old and is a college freshman! I don't get why the pressure is there so early, but eh whatever.

Sometimes, i feel like the longer I wait, I'll be missing out. Then I remember how many women there are.
 
#792
#792
If you hear the words "God chose you", "soulmate" or "when I think of our wedding day" just go ahead and check out. It's gonna end in disaster
 
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#793
#793
Been married three years to my Highschool crush been together since we was 15, Now 21 we've kinda grew old of one another. We don't go out like we used too. I'm usually outside tinkering on things and she does whatever she pleases. Not caring for one another Idk. It could be normal since we've been together this long, I'm still young and trying to figure life out.
 
#796
#796
Rasputin_Vol said:
Probably made up story, but there is enough truth in it to at least make you think...

https://www.facebook.com/Plexusyear/posts/1425489521021481
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Some women (clearly the ones mentioned above) feel that there very presence is enough. They begin to quit expressing love and affection. And instead their list of demands begin to take life of its own.

Mental/emotional health is largely overlooked by young men as well. A lot of these "ticking time bombs" already had a lit fuse before you knew them. But if you had no clue or no idea what to look for, how would you know? How would you recognize the warning signs?

My relationship with my wife had three distinct phases. Before, during & after recognition and treatment. At first. We had quite a roller coaster ride. A great time. We were inseparable. Then a dark side emerged, and things went downhill. Nearly spiraled out of control. Then, after almost falling apart, she sought out professional help. Relative peace ensued. After the treatment and help were abandoned (which took a period of about 3 years, during which our two little ones were born) the spiral returned. This time, it was best characterized as a typhoon/cyclone/hypercane polar-vortex devil mix. The marriage was over just like that. And all of the marriage based research I have done (a bit too late I might add) strongly warns against getting into relationships & marriages with people who have unchecked mental and emotional issues. It is a recipe for disaster. And it is exactly that.

Marriage is a risky proposition. More needs to be known about all it entails before you get into it. I was flying blind, and I crashed. Nobody's fault but my own.
 
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#797
#797
VolStudent5 said:
As a college student, I have noticed that the pressure to find a significant one is forced upon my generation very quick in college. Women especially want to get married right after college. Not all, but many feel this way. I would say over 80%. That is because they want to be supported right away. Maybe that or they are needy. I'm not sure.

I kind of feel pressure to get married soon too, as my older brothers both did almost as soon as they graduated college. However, I feel like it will take me much longer for various reasons, which is fine with me. I plan on going to graduate school when i graduate in a couple years.. So I'm focused on my school work and bettering myself before really 'searching', and more than likely it will happen without me 'searching'.. it'll just happen.

An ex girlfriend of mine, we still talk (dumb me), told me that her next relationship will be a serious one, and she won't date anybody unless she can see herself getting married to him.. She is only 19 years old and is a college freshman! I don't get why the pressure is there so early, but eh whatever.

Sometimes, i feel like the longer I wait, I'll be missing out. Then I remember how many women there are.
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Words of advice from my experiences:

1) Don't ever do anything involving "love" via pressure. True "love" will not pressure.

2) Focus on "bettering" yourself (as you put it). You cannot hope to have a truly successful/happy/viable relationship unless you have everything on your side of the fence in order. It doesn't matter how long that takes; that should be priority numbero uno.

3) Don't ever go "searching" for love. You are just setting yourself up for disaster. You will naturally overvalue qualities, undervalue other qualities, look past faults, and put unwanted pressure on yourself. Love comes when you least expect it. Let it find you instead of the other way around.
 
#798
#798
A lot of (most) people I know have had pressure from their families to get married early. I'm sure many of them are happy, but sometimes I wonder. It was never really pushed in our family and I'm thankful for that. Sometimes I do think that I'm meant to be single.
 
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