Marriage

If ever been married, have you had a marriage that ended in divorce?

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#927
#927
vollygirl said:
Be good to your kids (including not saying anything bad about their mom regardless of how hard that may get.)

I'm telling you from experience, when parents divorce with kids and one parent downs the other without cause, the kids eventually figure it out.
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This is true. My parents have been divorced since I was like 5-6.

My mom would always bad mouth my dad and as a result I've never been really close to her.

On a second note, kids are resilient and it will become normal.

It has to be really hard to go through a divorce but it wil open up the opportunity to meet new people and have different experiences.
 
#928
#928
Kids are doing better than me, and I don't say anything negative about their Mom to them
We agreed on what we would say to them when they ask, and it doesn't place blame on either of us
 
#929
#929
vol_in_ar said:
Kids are doing better than me, and I don't say anything negative about their Mom to them
We agreed on what we would say to them when they ask, and it doesn't place blame on either of us
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I don't remember how old your kids are, but I can tell you that is one of the greatest gifts you'll ever give them.

Take care of yourself.
 
#931
#931
vol_in_ar said:
Kids are doing better than me, and I don't say anything negative about their Mom to them
We agreed on what we would say to them when they ask, and it doesn't place blame on either of us
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that's what we have promised to each other too. it's going to be a weird one though. because i'm picking up katie every day after school me and the wife are going to see each other every day. Hell she said she even wants me to stay for dinner or go out to dinner with them sometimes. still wants to go on vacations together as a family. This is some confusing @#$+!!!!!!
 
#932
#932
rmsmith said:
that's what we have promised to each other too. it's going to be a weird one though. because i'm picking up katie every day after school me and the wife are going to see each other every day. Hell she said she even wants me to stay for dinner or go out to dinner with them sometimes. still wants to go on vacations together as a family. This is some confusing @#$+!!!!!!
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**** her on all that. She doesn't want you to move on.
 
#934
#934
rmsmith said:
i wish she didn't want to move on.
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I know. But it sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it, too. It's very selfish. I hope for your and Lil bits sake that she comes to her senses. But I really can see this becoming one of those where she's calling all the time for you to come do stuff for her - showers leaking, toilet won't stop running, and on and on.

She's an adult, who has a husband who loves her and she is choosing to be single mom, you have to let her live it, or else she'll exploit the fact that you love her and your daughter in order to make you miserable.
 
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#936
#936
rmsmith said:
that's what we have promised to each other too. it's going to be a weird one though. because i'm picking up katie every day after school me and the wife are going to see each other every day. Hell she said she even wants me to stay for dinner or go out to dinner with them sometimes. still wants to go on vacations together as a family. This is some confusing @#$+!!!!!!
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From experience, dont fall into this trap. Move on IMO, there are plenty of better options (no offense) out there.
 
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#937
#937
vollygirl said:
Why wouldn't you expect change? Nobody goes through life without changing.

Here's the thing (not speaking specifically to you MSU), when you agree to marry someone you commit. There's a reason that word is used a lot in terms of marriage. You commit to living your life with the other person. The good times, the bad times, the blah blah boring times, the exciting times, the healthy times, the sick and scared times. When you get married, you say I'm yours and I'm there for you to protect you, support you, encourage you, help you, learn from you, lean on you, live my life with you. Love grows as a result of these things, not the other way around.

You can't control or change your spouse. You can only work on yourself. But if you're both committed, truly committed, when you say I do....it is the most spectacular feeling you can imagine. It is the most freeing, loving, secure environment to live a life you could ever dream of.
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That is the vow you take. Take it seriously or don't take it at all.

It takes two to hold it together and sometimes only one holds on- UTVOLKeith

how do i keep coming up with this stuff?

why did she leave me????????????????????????????????
 
#938
#938
BearCat204 said:
From experience, dont fall into this trap. Move on IMO, there are plenty of better options (no offense) out there.
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Thanks, i'll try not to but i'll admit it will be hard not to. Just because it'll be more opportunities to see her and our daughter.
 
#939
#939
Haven't been in this thread in a while, just wanted to encourage you all who are going through these tough times to hang in there, stay true to yourself and you will make it through. Stay strong.
 
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#940
#940
UTVOLKeith said:
That is the vow you take. Take it seriously or don't take it at all.

It takes two to hold it together and sometimes only one holds on- UTVOLKeith

how do i keep coming up with this stuff?

why did she leave me????????????????????????????????
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I wondered why my marriage ended the way it did. It took nearly 9 months to put it all together.

This time last year is when it all began. Not texting me or calling from work. The silent treatment at home. And then when I finally asked what gives, she says "I'm not happy". "I want a divorce".

Totally shocking.

Then I began to try and talk to her about what was wrong. Then I heard "it can't be fixed". I had a hard time with that one. How could it "not be fixed"? I thought we married for better or worse, sickness and health & all that other nonsense. Apparently not.

So, what could happen to my wife that
1) She didn't tell me about until it was too late to fix/change
2) I couldn't see by living with her daily
3) Be so bad that she would be silently unhappy about it until she decided that she should quit our marriage without ONE SINGLE SOLITARY EFFORT TO FIX IT ON HER PART?

Must be something major. Must be catastrophic. Must be a tragedy.

Must have been really serious. And it happened in total seclusion. I never noticed it. My boys didn't. No one in her family did. Actually no one did, until she dropped the bomb.

So, it had to be terrible enough to end a 15 year relationship, but still happen in relative secrecy (except to my wife of course).

The possibilities are quite few.

It's not like we were arguing or fighting at the time or previously (I'd have known that). I certainly didn't want to leave or lose my wife. I definitely wanted to raise my boys in the traditional family that I never had. I loved my wife and my family. Period.

So again, I ask, what "assailed" my marriage?

It's clearly something that she can't/won't tell me the truth about (any attempt at getting her to talk about what was going on was met with sound and fury). But nothing of substance. So every now and then I would try again to talk to her. I only succeeded in pissing her off a great deal. Finally she played her trump card. Ballgame.

So whatever it is I still haven't heard it from her. I just know I haven't talked to my wife since July and our marriage appears over.

We never even tried to work it out. I did, she didn't. That bothered me as much as the initial "problem" (whatever it was).

So, since virtually anything can be fixed, my mindframe shifted from that realm to the one that involved things that can't be "undone", rather that fixed. That change in thinking made all the difference.

Then I tried to figure out what could have happened to my wife that can't be undone? That couldn't be changed? And that she would rather not tell me about? And that I wouldn't know about without being informed?

And this "occurance"/"occurances" had to have happened in one of two places.

1) in her dreams
Or
2) at her job

As those are the occasions we spent the most time apart.

I think she would have told me about a nightmare she had that could have caused her to destroy our marriage from within. Could be wrong, but it's unlikely a dream ended our family.

So, what happened at work?

She was there on time everyday. She never called out during that time. So she was there everyday. She never came home early. So she was there all day. She never said anyone was fighting her at work (which could hardly end our marriage anyway). She never indicated any problems at work at all actually. So whatever happened was tragic to our relationship, but caused no personal damage to my wife at all. It just caused her to end our marriage. I saw her everyday, she didn't appear hurt or bruised or harmed in any manner when she came home. She just came home angry at me for no apparent reason. But she never said she was having a bad day at work, so why come home to your family upset everyday, especially if nothing happened at work to make you mad at us?

Whatever could it be?????????? :unsure:
 
#941
#941
I get that blogs and forums are supposed to be therapeutic, but maybe you should talk to a professional... everyone needs help during tough times and I'm not sure anyone here can give it.
 
#943
#943
Well, check another box
Had to sell a lot of investments to give her half

So I wrote 3 big checks today
 
#944
#944
vol_in_ar said:
Well, check another box
Had to sell a lot of investments to give her half

So I wrote 3 big checks today
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Our psycho neighbor across the street won't divorce her husband for that reason. She's sitting on generations of $$$ that she doesn't want him to be able to touch.
 
#946
#946
PimpVol said:
Whatever could it be?????????? :unsure:
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Hypergamy mixed with the ease and ability for women to pull the pin on a marriage because society believes that women are victims.

You get hypergamy (the urge of women to find the bigger, better deal) and the power to blindside you with divorce thanks to the present laws where she can get a wealth transfer of up to half of her husband's assets... what do you think is going to happen?
 
#949
#949
Better get her to sign something, because once she gets a lawyer, the lawyers going to start telling her everything she's entitled too, and half of everything will be back on the table.
 
#950
#950
It will get better guys, trust me. I was miserable for 3 months when my ex-wife pulled her stunt and left me high and dry. Once I got all the emotional turmoil out of my system, and that was an everyday thing for those 3 months, I woke up one day and told God to lead the way and I was sick of feeling the way I was. Fast forward to around a month later, and I met current wife and have been the happiest I have ever been since. We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past month.

I'm here to tell you it does get easier, and while my circumstances are different that those in this thread, you have to believe you will be happy again, or you will tear yourself down to be miserable. Even if you don't meet someone at first, do whatever makes you happy and do it for you. Also, surround yourself with positive people, and keep the negative nancies away. Those people who love to be negative will keep you from getting back on your feet faster than it should. Pray everyday as well, if you are a believer, and pray for God to lead you where you need to be. Once you put it in God's hands, if He wants to help you reconcile, He will help, if He isn't leading you that way, then make sure you are willing to go forward versus trying to drag God back to where you want to go. I did that for 3 months, and I kicked and cried like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum, and that wasn't what God wanted for me. Once I decided to get up out of the mud and start walking forward, my life changed for the better. If you are willing to move on, God will help, and that is coming from my experiences.
 
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