My wife and I smoked religously in our teens and early to mid 20's. Eventually stopped when she got pregnant except for the occasional rarity. I still appreciate the smell and taste of quality MJ. It is beautiful and delicious when high quality. Also very enjoyable to grow....over 15 years ago and for personal consumption only, of course.
I was able to function at a high level for years as an all-day smoker. I was consistently the top sales rep for whatever company I worked for...on the rare occasions that I have partaken in it over the last 13-14 years it has been very small amounts and I just want to watch the band I'm seeing or have a nice evening in with my wife/kids. The kids are not exposed to it but are old enough to know about it and, now that they are pre-teens, I have been pretty openly honest with them about my youth.
They enjoy my stories about my experiences, fun times (they aren't told some of the really wild stuff), my stupid mistakes (which they are told about as examples of how not to act) and they are very open to what I ask of them as they grow up. My son tells me his 7th and 8th grade friends who smoke and have offered it to him. He has no interest in it but does admit that he can see himself trying it around 15. I'd prefer he didn't but I am ok with that age and it's unrealistic to expect that he won't try it.....better that it be while under my roof and not a legal adult.
I have educated him on the effects from the good/fun to the bad/potential trouble. FL is pretty relaxed about it but with the prevalence of Fentanyl(even in weed), I feel it is a necessity for my kids to be educated, feel like they can be honest with me without punishment and know the risks. I have made it clear that if they ever make the decision that they want to try it that they need to come to me.
I expect any potential first time to be at home, have made it clear that I will provide Fentanyl test kits for safety and that I will maintain plausible deniability about any friend using with them. It will not be smoked in my house and I will not allow anyone else's kid to smoke at my house if I know about it but I will not be actively looking to catch a friend who smokes with them. They are going to do it if they want and it's better than how we rode around East TN (Powell and Halls mostly) back roads and smoked. Another rule is that they will not become habitual smokers while under my roof and, again, that I prefer they not smoke.....but if they ever do that moderation is important.
Don't let people pressure you into doing it "to be cool" and especially for my daughter that she understands how to be safe and smart about the situations she allows herself to be in and how teenage boys typically view girls and what their motivations are. I have focused a ton on building a strong bond with her, building her confidence and setting an expectation in her mind for the expected standard of treatment that she accepts. I have taught them my views on sex being best in a committed relationship with someone you care about, respect, respects you and doesn't pressure you. If you want to do something then that is your decision but never allow yourself to be pressured to do anything you don't want. I've talked to them about all potential outcomes of sex and drugs from pregnancy/STD's to gossip, shaming and other boys, and sometimes girls, trying to use you.
If I have done my job as a father then they will never desire the approval of others so much that they allow themselves to be used or disrespected. I have made it very clear that they can call me if they ever need to be picked up and don't feel safe or just want to leave wherever they are. They won't have to answer any questions if they are not comfortable but I will have questions. Their choice if they want to share why they needed me. It's enough for me that I'm there when they do need me and I don't have to know everything. They also can tell me anything without fear of punishment unless they are committing a non-negotiable offense like bullying, pressuring others, stealing, physical abuse beyond self defense, etc.
I have made it clear that their safety, self respect, mental/emotional health, them continuing to be good people and their overall happiness are my primary concerns and I am there for them no matter the situation. Secondary concerns are academic success and overall achievement but those only come with rewards and they only earn any minor punishment if they genuinely don't try. If my son ever treats a young lady in any way that he wouldn't want his mother or sister treated or if he ever is in a position to stop something that shouldn't happen to a female, or really anyone who is in a bad spot and can't defend themself then we are going to have a problem if he doesn't stand up for what's rght.
We are going out back for some "fight training" to see how he likes being put in a situation that he is helpless to stop. It won't be too rough but will not be peasant. There is a problem if he is afraid of a potential ass whipping if it helps protect someone in need. Bruises, cuts, black eyes and even broken bones heal pretty fast as a kid but he will never get over knowing he could have prevented harm coming to someone who can't effectively fight back and you don't give your all to help them. If your sister is the one you don't stand up for then I would advise not coming home for an extended period of time unless you are starving and I'm at work. Not really kidding about that. And I am not trying to say women/teenage girls can't fight back. He had a girl try to beat him up at school this year and he didn't do anything to her. I also kinda think his sister could kick his ass if mad enough at their current size, but he will grow.
It is working so far in that my kids share pretty much everything with me and I haven't broken the no punishment vow for honesty.....honestly, there's been no reason to because the few situations for my have been handled admirably and my daughter just hasn't had any come up but shebshares her feelings and opinions on real and hypothetical situations constantly. I probably would have been a better teen if I had parents that I could relate to, confide in and knew would have my back. Oh yeah....both my parents were paranoid schizophrenics who met in a mental hospital after trauma triggered them in college and they were not equipped with the proper coping skills or the judgement/guilt free support they needed to properly process and get over what happened. I'll be damned if my kids are screwed up for life because I judged them for a mistake or they didn't feel comfortable and safe in telling me.
They have the genetic predisposition for the disease. Some damn positives are going to come out of my parent's years of suffering, my frustrations with a childhood where I had to be more mature than the parent just barely sane enough to "raise me" (mainly raised myself and her), having to be a child psychological therapist to someone being abusive to me because they were hallucinating, continually putting up with embarrassing behavior in public, at school functions and in front of friends and then putting myself through some crazy and dangerous situations in my teens and early 20's as part of my misguided way of defying drugs, people, insecurities due to my childhood or anything else from being able to mentally break me.
My grandfather being my biggest influence was a blessing as, ironically, he was a very highly respected Psychiatrist for UT Medical Center who originally started his practice in Knoxville in 1952 after his time as an Army doc in WW2, graduating from GWU in D.C. and traveling throughout SE Kentucky every year treating coal miners. I was forged through genetics and trial by fire to be the guardian of my son and daughter's mental health and well being. I won't fail them in honor of my parents, my grandfather, my wife and my children.
Good mothers are the most beautiful thing in this world but a Dad who loves, disciplines, provides, protects and exemplifies how a man will do whatever is needed for his family is just about as important as strong, loving mothers and is,unfortunately, a standard that a lot of men fail to meet....especially in this time where many would try to convince us that all masculinity is "toxic". I'm happy for everyone on here who was fortunate enough to have a strong father and my condolences to those who have lost theirs or didn't have one. I didn't have a dad capable of being a father but my grandfather was the next best thing and was the biggest influence on my character and learning how to be a man. I am nowhere close to the man he was but I can be his equal when it comes to being a father. He always showed patience and kindness to my mother which was not easy given her behavior at times. I'm sure it hurt him real bad for his oldest daughter to go through what she did but his great grandchildren won't. I am also hapoy to say that she is almost 70 and has been much better mentally from hdr late 50's until now. Not perfect but any improvement is good.
I typed this up earlier but fell asleep without posting. Apologies for it being so long but I felt the need to do it as my kids get older and I think more on my responsibilities to them and, by extension, to society. Tomorrow, now today, also would have been my wife's mother's birthday...she died 8 days after we got married and never got to meet her grandkids. She would have spoiled them rotten and they probably would have loved her more than anyone.
Anyway, Happy Father's Day to all the VN dads and rival dads protecting their kids. Thank you for being good fathers. It is not easy and we don't get as much praise as mothers but we don't need the praise and that's not why we do what we do. To those who don't have children, never forget that you can be a role model to a young man or boy without even knowing it. My best friend all through elementary school had a former Marine drill sergeant for his dad. I spent a lot of time at his house as a kid and learned a lot from him. His wife died of a brain aneurysm a couple months after my buddy was born and we didn't realize how sad he was but he still did his job. We thought he just liked sad country music and beer and would sneak up and shoot him with Nerf guns and rolled up sock "grenades" and he would chase us back to the back of the house. Wish I had realized that he was drinking himself to death slowly on purpose so he would be there until his son grew up and not much longer. He died 6 or 7 years ago and I never got to thank him for being a positive role model but he did get to see his son go into the Air Force. Probably kinda pissed him off but I'm sure he was proud. That is a good example of a father doing his duty despite being completely broken inside and wishing he was dead. Respect, Mr. S. Rest in peace.
