Who in here married a woman or knows someone who married a woman who’s sole purpose was to have a child and never work again?

#76
#76
Jackcrevol said:
All day? Solo? Round the clock? Morning. Noon. Night.

How bout once school starts? If so, kudos. But easy isnt the word id use to describe it. Fun, yes. But, parenting isnt some 'fun uncle' experience.

Grow up. Tell your friend to nut up. Divorce is the pussies way out.
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Yes! It’s not hard. It was one of more relaxing and enjoyable days I’ve had. It’s not even remotely a hard job. It’s a human being.
 
#77
#77
1. I have a niece like described by the OP. I never thought a man, or woman, could exist that was like that. But, alas....


Approaching marriage for the long haul:
1. The thong bikini body only lasts as long as it takes the first kid to arrive.
2. Real as**s have an attractive bounce. Choose one you like a lot. You will see it walking away from you to the other room the many times you are being a prick.
3. Eyes matter.
4. Don't ever tell your wife she needs to get back in shape after she gives birth. Your expectations shouldn't have been so near sighted. She will still look quite good. Maybe even better than your beer gut.
5. Find one that won't speak to you for atleast 3 days after getting mad at you. That time is so peaceful.
6. If you thought marriage was an endless supply of easy sex, you will be cheating within a year or less.
7. You will help with indoor chores. You will do 85% of outdoor chores yourself. Fact. Accept it. Only a token few gets a woman that does as much outside as you do inside.
8. Regardless of who cooks, the kitchen aftermath is yours.
9. Partying with the wife and friends might be fun, but my 50 year old non-smoking/seldom drinking wife has looks 30, and your 30 tear old party wife does not.
10. If your wife does not grow older to look like her mom, she was adopted. Plan accordingly. If you don't like the way her mom looks, you better be marrying for true love.
11. If she wants to fool around you have to. If you want to fool around, it's optional for her. It don't make sense. It's just life.
 
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#78
#78
Firebirdparts said:
If everybody is a high maintenance toxic narcissist, you're not going to have a very nice time living in that society.
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and yet you commit like a king fu master, because it's not about you. Love is not about what makes you happy. It's about what lasts. It's about your lifetime. That's love. Sex doesn't even need to happen (and it will *puss you off). Love, is about giving yourself to something bigger than you, because THEY are MORE important. even if they don't **** you, and that does make you very happy.
 
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#79
#79
GVF said:
1. I have a niece like described by the OP. I never thought a man, or woman, could exist that was like that. But, alas....


Approaching marriage for the long haul:
1. The thong bikini body only lasts as long as it takes the first kid to arrive.
2. Real as**s have an attractive bounce. Choose one you like a lot. You will see it walking away from you to the other room the many times you are being a prick.
3. Eyes matter.
4. Don't ever tell your wife she needs to get back in shape after she gives birth. Your expectations shouldn't have been so near sighted. She will still look quite good. Maybe even better than your beer gut.
5. Find one that won't speak to you for atleast 3 days after getting mad at you. That time is so peaceful.
6. If you thought marriage was an endless supply of easy sex, you will be cheating within a year or less.
7. You will help with indoor chores. You will do 85% of outdoor chores yourself. Fact. Accept it. Only a token few gets a woman that does as much outside as you do inside.
8. Regardless of who cooks, the kitchen aftermath is yours.
9. Partying with the wife and friends might be fun, but my 50 year old non-smoking/seldom drinking wife has looks 30, and your 30 tear old party wife does not.
10. If your wife does not grow older to look like her mom, she was adopted. Plan accordingly. If you don't like the way her mom looks, you better be marrying for true love.
11. If she wants to fool around you have to. If you want to fool around, it's optional for her. It don't make sense. It's just life.
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You a marriage counselor?
 
#81
#81
I’ve had an awful marriage and I now have a very good one. My only meaningful piece of advice is, if you can’t let each other have your own hobbies and have alone time, leave in a hurry. My first marriage was terrible, I felt like I could never do anything and I couldn’t even be myself and looking back she probably felt the same or very similar. We each wanted the other to be someone they weren’t. It became miserable and toxic.
 
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#82
#82
Find a good one when your both young, marry her and grow up together worked out great for me & my Mrs. Folks these days are waiting much longer to marry. They have their own places, cars, careers and are already somewhat set in their ways. Lots of change and compromise required to become like minded. I know if God forbid something we’re to ever happen to the Mrs, there’s zero chance I could ever adapt to someone else
 
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#83
#83
creekerballer said:
I’ve had an awful marriage and I now have a very good one. My only meaningful piece of advice is, if you can’t let each other have your own hobbies and have alone time, leave in a hurry. My first marriage was terrible, I felt like I could never do anything and I couldn’t even be myself and looking back she probably felt the same or very similar. We each wanted the other to be someone they weren’t. It became miserable and toxic.
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This is like what I survived (still married) and see that there is a lot of trauma, but all along there would good things mixed in with all that torture. If you can anchor yourself somewhere, you can stand back and the complexity of it really impresses you. Not sure the degree to which I’ll ever heal but my wife has mostly stopped destroying everything I love. She’s improved but it took a very long time.

she is actually studying all this now explicitly. She is paying for therapy to understand why she acted that way. Her self awareness was originally minus 1 million and now she’s sorta low grade functional.

I don’t blame people for giving up. Finding the strength to withstand that is not easy. But, in the end, nobody cares how a man feels, and in my case I don’t even care how I feel.
 
#86
#86
ButchPlz said:
I feel like we have similar experience here, since I'm married to a Latina.
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Don't get me wrong. She's a good woman and a good wife. Marriage is what it is. If you don't have unrealistic expectations or dreams of what you thought it'd be, you will be happy. Spent a lot of time caring for my parents she was not obligated to do. But, a little bit of cajun blood wakes up the crazy and the temper like nobody's business. And committed even though I've been threatened to be single more times than I can remember. Just her fighting mechanism. Her mantra is cheating is not Kosher. If she wanted to sleep with another man, she'd pack up and leave first. Since she has never done that, we have an unbroken marriage. Having said all that, I'm a smart man. And I stand by my list. lol.
 
#87
#87
GVF said:
Don't get me wrong. She's a good woman and a good wife. Marriage is what it is. If you don't have unrealistic expectations or dreams of what you thought it'd be, you will be happy. Spent a lot of time caring for my parents she was not obligated to do. But, a little bit of cajun blood wakes up the crazy and the temper like nobody's business. And committed even though I've been threatened to be single more times than I can remember. Just her fighting mechanism. Her mantra is cheating is not Kosher. If she wanted to sleep with another man, she'd pack up and leave first. Since she has never done that, we have an unbroken marriage. Having said all that, I'm a smart man. And I stand by my list. lol.
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Tough women like that make us be better men. They're good for us, I think.
 
#88
#88
ButchPlz said:
Tough women like that make us be better men. They're good for us, I think.
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In alot of ways it has been good for me. I was more on the reserved and shy side. She is very outspoken and speaks her peace to a fault sometimes. So, I've learned to find a happy medium speaking up. Opposites attract for a reason I suppose.

Background very applicable to her. Catholic upbringing. Very harsh father, especially with the two sons. Actually would fight them. Probably could have been busted for abuse. 6 kids. she was youngest. Their family was open, and fought everything out. I have also toned her down a bit over the years.
 
#89
#89
Incredible_duck said:
Yes! It’s not hard. It was one of more relaxing and enjoyable days I’ve had. It’s not even remotely a hard job. It’s a human being.
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Bless you. I found it that way as well. My only child is 19 now.

However, my step son has twin preemies. Try that one on for size. Double trouble changes the game completely in the stress department.
 
#90
#90
GVF said:
1. I have a niece like described by the OP. I never thought a man, or woman, could exist that was like that. But, alas....


Approaching marriage for the long haul:
1. The thong bikini body only lasts as long as it takes the first kid to arrive. (Disagree - Depends on the woman)
2. Real as**s have an attractive bounce. Choose one you like a lot. You will see it walking away from you to the other room the many times you are being a prick. (True - Remember, be a prick when they are wearing yoga pants)
3. Eyes matter. (True, especially when they roll)
4. Don't ever tell your wife she needs to get back in shape after she gives birth. Your expectations shouldn't have been so near sighted. She will still look quite good. Maybe even better than your beer gut. (Yeah, mine was in better shape than me 2 days after the birth so yeah, I wasn't gonna say that. I don't enjoy sleeping on the couch)
5. Find one that won't speak to you for atleast 3 days after getting mad at you. That time is so peaceful. (Disagree, the quiet and simmering nature scares me more than anything)
6. If you thought marriage was an endless supply of easy sex, you will be cheating within a year or less. (Not always but logistics change once kids are involved)
7. You will help with indoor chores. You will do 85% of outdoor chores yourself. Fact. Accept it. Only a token few gets a woman that does as much outside as you do inside.(You are a wise man)
8. Regardless of who cooks, the kitchen aftermath is yours. (True)
9. Partying with the wife and friends might be fun, but my 50 year old non-smoking/seldom drinking wife has looks 30, and your 30 tear old party wife does not. (Usually, at a certain age the women can still hang party wise while the guys are ready to be done)
10. If your wife does not grow older to look like her mom, she was adopted. Plan accordingly. If you don't like the way her mom looks, you better be marrying for true love. (True)
11. If she wants to fool around you have to. If you want to fool around, it's optional for her. It don't make sense. It's just life. (True)
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You are largely wise with your observations.
 
#91
#91
GVF said:
In alot of ways it has been good for me. I was more on the reserved and shy side. She is very outspoken and speaks her peace to a fault sometimes. So, I've learned to find a happy medium speaking up. Opposites attract for a reason I suppose.

Background very applicable to her. Catholic upbringing. Very harsh father, especially with the two sons. Actually would fight them. Probably could have been busted for abuse. 6 kids. she was youngest. Their family was open, and fought everything out. I have also toned her down a bit over the years.
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Worst foot in mouth of my life(saying a lot):
We shared a small van in Italy with two other couples to visit several small towns and ride through the countryside. The thing that struck me was the extravagant Catholic church in every town. One would have a 500 year old entrance door and beautiful wood work inside. The next would have gold everywhere. All of them looked unbelievably good and well preserved. I have never seen a church in the US that looks anywhere close to as marvelous as these churches, and these were small churches in small towns(less than 1-2000 people. We must have looked at 6 or 7. That is on top of the Vatican that we had seen a few days earlier.
So when we got back in the Van for the final time I made the comment, "I'm about sick of all the churches". One of the ladies went haywire on me, and said she would have liked to have seen more, etc., Turned out she was raised a devout Catholic, and was greatly offended by remarks. I tried to explain that much of what we observed was lost on me because I was raised a lowly Southern Baptist, and didn't understand the ornateness and symbolism in the church. Anyway she wouldn't speak to me.
We returned to Rome, and it turned out that the lady and here husband were staying in the same hotel as my wife and I. That evening We went to the roof top bar for drinks, and we were seated at a table next to the lady and her husband. She ignored me.
About two years later I received an email inviting me to her birthday party. It was a group email so I'm guessing a mistake.
To be clear, I have nothing against Catholics. My brother in law was one. I've known many. I was simply ignorant of Italy and the history of the Catholic church there.
 
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#92
#92
You ought to have something against Catholics like that lady who are so fragile they can’t be in the presence of anyone who doesn’t understand the ways of the Catholic Church. JMO
 
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#93
#93
Go aeiou said:
Worst foot in mouth of my life(saying a lot):
We shared a small van in Italy with two other couples to visit several small towns and ride through the countryside. The thing that struck me was the extravagant Catholic church in every town. One would have a 500 year old entrance door and beautiful wood work inside. The next would have gold everywhere. All of them looked unbelievably good and well preserved. I have never seen a church in the US that looks anywhere close to as marvelous as these churches, and these were small churches in small towns(less than 1-2000 people. We must have looked at 6 or 7. That is on top of the Vatican that we had seen a few days earlier.
So when we got back in the Van for the final time I made the comment, "I'm about sick of all the churches". One of the ladies went haywire on me, and said she would have liked to have seen more, etc., Turned out she was raised a devout Catholic, and was greatly offended by remarks. I tried to explain that much of what we observed was lost on me because I was raised a lowly Southern Baptist, and didn't understand the ornateness and symbolism in the church. Anyway she wouldn't speak to me.
We returned to Rome, and it turned out that the lady and here husband were staying in the same hotel as my wife and I. That evening We went to the roof top bar for drinks, and we were seated at a table next to the lady and her husband. She ignored me.
About two years later I received an email inviting me to her birthday party. It was a group email so I'm guessing a mistake.
To be clear, I have nothing against Catholics. My brother in law was one. I've known many. I was simply ignorant of Italy and the history of the Catholic church there.
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I bet that was a fun adventure. My wife's family was lowly Bayou Catholics. Her dad had quit taking them by the time she was old enough, so she wasn't really in it. I probably would have said the same thing. Catholic or not, why spend all the money to go to Italy and looking at church buildings only. There's only so many times a building can save you.
 
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#94
#94
GVF said:
I bet that was a fun adventure. My wife's family was lowly Bayou Catholics. Her dad had quit taking them by the time she was old enough, so she wasn't really in it. I probably would have said the same thing. Catholic or not, why spend all the money to go to Italy and looking at church buildings only. There's only so many times a building can save you.
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Personally, I can admire the architecture and craftsmanship of a building regardless of the purpose for which it was constructed (except for prisons or war camps etc)
 
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#95
#95
walkenvol said:
Personally, I can admire the architecture and craftsmanship of a building regardless of the purpose for which it was constructed (except for prisons or war camps etc)
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me too. I developed real estate, and built custom homes for several years. I built a home that is a replica of a home in Williamsburg.
 
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#96
#96
walkenvol said:
You ought to have something against Catholics like that lady who are so fragile they can’t be in the presence of anyone who doesn’t understand the ways of the Catholic Church. JMO
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Nothing against Catholics. She the only one I've had a problem with. She was an American.
More problems with Southern Baptist. I left at 15-16. It hard to be raised in the first integrated school system in the south, and go to a church where blacks aren't welcome. About the time MLK was murdered. The minister also left.
 
#97
#97
So much of your general happiness and satisfaction in life is determined by where you set your expectations. That doesn't mean set your expectations underneath the floor and expect everything to go horribly; it means to expect/anticipate that not everything is going to go perfectly, and think about what you are going to do in the event that happens.

In my personal life I've found that people who are often disappointed or unhappy about something don't have an inordinate amount of negative things happen to them; it's that they assume things are going to go perfectly, and when they inevitably don't, they get upset. If you have super high expectations, you can have a bunch of good things happen to you and you'll still be disappointed and upset.
 
#98
#98
I get wanting Mom to raise the kids, but once they're in school, what are you doing with your time if you don't have a job? My Mother-in-law sat around from 1992 to 2004 then got a job when all her kids were out of the house, quit after 2 years, and that's that. How can you be happy like that? No drive or ambition?

My wife and I have the best setup. We both work from home and we have a nanny come to the house. So we're around our kids all the time but because we aren't always in charge, we don't get burned out and they get better quality attention from the 3 adults than they would 2. The $ sucks, but imagine how rich we'll feel when we stop paying $25k a year in child care when the youngest goes to school?
 
#99
#99
Incredible_duck said:
Yes! It’s not hard. It was one of more relaxing and enjoyable days I’ve had. It’s not even remotely a hard job. It’s a human being.
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Politely, you have no idea what you're talking about. Your little sliver of experience offers you no actual insight into how difficult it is to be a full-time parent.
 
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#100
#100
n_huffhines said:
I get wanting Mom to raise the kids, but once they're in school, what are you doing with your time if you don't have a job? My Mother-in-law sat around from 1992 to 2004 then got a job when all her kids were out of the house, quit after 2 years, and that's that. How can you be happy like that? No drive or ambition?

My wife and I have the best setup. We both work from home and we have a nanny come to the house. So we're around our kids all the time but because we aren't always in charge, we don't get burned out and they get better quality attention from the 3 adults than they would 2. The $ sucks, but imagine how rich we'll feel when we stop paying $25k a year in child care when the youngest goes to school?
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So what works for you and your wife is the “best setup “? Isn’t that a bit presumptuous of you to think everyone else should like whatever you like?

My wife stayed home with our children until last one was close to starting school. Wife went back to school and got a masters degree to qualify for a job she became interested in. My family was very happy with that arrangement but I don’t begin to think everyone else should do the same
 
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