Bama Jokes!!!!!!!!!

#201
#201
the tooth brush was invented in Alabama


had it been invented anywhere else it would be called the teeth brush
 
#202
#202
Tee's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.

"Good job! Now, what's this animal?"

"A dog!" said Ricky.

"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of the Alabama Mascot.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."

"A horny bastard!" called out Ricky.

"No, A big *******" called out Suzy

"Stupid, Redneck, dumba$$, son of a B^tch' said Tee
 
#203
#203
One day, two boys were walking along a country lane in alabama when a huge dog attacks one of the boys. The other boy quickly grabs a stick, inserts it beneath the dog's collar, and twists. The dog's neck is broken, and the boy is saved. A local sportswriter witnesses the entire event and walks over, pad in hand, to the boys. He slaps the boy who saved his friend on the back and says, "That was something else right there! I want to write a story about it my paper." He goes on to ask, "How does the headline, 'Heroic Young Bama Fan Snatch's Friend From Brink of Death' sound?"

The boy replied, "But I'm not an Alabama fan."

With a slightly exasperated look on his face, the reporter asks, "Okay then. How does, 'Young Auburn Saves Friend from Certain Death' sound?"

The boy replied once more, "But I'm not an Auburn fan either."

The reporter, clearly puzzled, asks, "So you live in Alabama and you are not an Alabama fan nor an Auburn fan?"

The boy replies, "I am from Tennessee. I pull for the Vols. I am just here visiting my cousin."

The reporter scratches his chin, pulls out his pen, and writes on his notepad, "Degenerate Youth Murders Beloved Family Pet While Visiting from Tennessee".
 
#204
#204
Q:what does it mean when a alabama cheerleader doesn't have jizz spilling out of either sides of her mouth?
A:the trailers level
 
#206
#206
I hate alabama. The only time I ever rooted for the crimson tide was in high school and my girlfriend was 6 days late.
 
#207
#207
Two men are walking through a graveyard when they come across a tombstone that reads:
‘Here lies Ed Smith, a good man and an Alabama fan’.
“Yikes!” says one of the men, “since when did they start putting two people in one grave?”


:rock:
 
#208
#208
A Tennessee mans and his Alabama Wife were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
His wife picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said 'How
should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said,
'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.
 
#209
#209
Two Alabama Cheerleaders are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second one says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first one hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
 
#210
#210
A Bama Grad suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a Sexy Tennessee Cheerleader. Well, the the bana chick is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

Then she replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
 
#211
#211
An Alabama Cheerleader was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, 'Go ahead, ask me... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Alabama ?'

The Alabama Grad replies, 'Oh, that's easy. Its "A".'
 
#212
#212
Bambi, a cheerleader in her fourth year as an Alabama Freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
 
#213
#213
Returning home from work, an Alabama student was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling
nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the Bama Student
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a BLIND COP!'
 
#214
#214
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Alabama Elephant. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Elephants too. No one really knowing what an Alabama Elephant was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A boy named John who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Elephant." Then, asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why, I'm a proud Tennessee Vol," boasts the little boy. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks John why he is a rebel. "Well, my mom and dad are Vols, so I'm a Vol too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says John, "I'd be an Alabama Elephant."
 
#217
#217
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
A: Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

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Two Alabamans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"
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An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Say, don't you still have them big red trucks?"
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Q: Why do folks in Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

A: 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.
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A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!"
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An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Auburn fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Alabama fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.

The Auburn fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"

To which the Alabama fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"
 
#218
#218
Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!

Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!

Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!

Mom: Only 2 more minutes until 1998.
Dad: I'm going to bed.
Son: But Dad, you're going to miss the ball drop....
Dad: Hey Son, I've seen it plenty of times..I'm an Alabama fan you know!!

Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Alabama football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!

Q. Did you hear about the Alabama fan who froze to death?
A. He went to the drive in...He sat through "Closed for the season"!!

Q. How do you get an Auburn student off your porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza!

Two Auburn fans have been walking in the woods for eight hours when they stop and one turns to the other and says, "I'm cutting the next Christmas tree we find, lights or no lights."

Q. What's the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
 
#219
#219
Zuter said:
Touche'...a misspelled word. It doesn't belie my superior intelligence.
Click to expand...
"Superior intelligence" claimed by an Alabama fan. Now that is hilarious. Superior to what? You should thank the good Lord for Mississipians and apes.
 
#220
#220
Q: What's the difference between an dead Alabama fan in the road and a dead squirrel?

A: The squirrel has skid marks in front of it.
 
#221
#221
What's the difference between a Tennessee fan and an Alabama fan?

When a Tennesssee fan talks about Ol' Yeller, he's talking about his dog.

When an Alabama fan talks about Ol' Yeller, he's talking about his smile.
 
#224
#224
A tennessee fan is driving behind a bama fan in a truck with a camper top. The TN fan notices that the AL. fan stops and bangs on the side of his truck about every half mile. Finally, the TN fan gets out and says what are you doing, you stop every half mile, beat on the side of your truck, and you've got traffic backed up for miles...Well the Bama fan says, I just bought a ton of chickens and I've got a 1/2 ton pickup...I have to keep half of them flying!
 
#225
#225
an Alabama grad goes to Boston to a New Years Eve party. He notices this really attractive girl standing alone across the room and decides to go over and start a conversation with her.... she notices he has a shirt with an "A" on the front, and asks what that stands for.

"Alabama, Roooooooooll Tiiiiiiide" he replied.

"What's that "Y" stand for on your shirt?" he asks.

"Yale" she replies.

he hollers, "WHAT DOES THAT Y STAND FOR ON YER SHIRT!"
 
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