Orangeslice13, a blessing to those around him…..Again

#11,384
#11,384
And…..it’s a process. I know that I’ll be ok. I’m going to have to be open and honest about some things. Admitting those things on here has really helped so far so I will probably do more of that from time to time. If it makes anyone uncomfortable then I apologize, but it’s my hope that it will help someone else to not wait as long as I have to seek help.
 
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#11,385
#11,385
volfanbill said:
Thinking about ya @Orangeslice13 . Hope today was another good day


Still not sorry we hijacked your Yankees thread. @NorCalVol67 is a better man than I, but that ain’t no secret
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Thanks.
I honestly appreciate it.


Thread takeover is what we do. It will make its way back on topic as soon as my dudes remember how to play the game
 
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#11,386
#11,386
Orangeslice13 said:
And…..it’s a process. I know that I’ll be ok. I’m going to have to be open and honest about some things. Admitting those things on here has really helped so far so I will probably do more of that from time to time. If it makes anyone uncomfortable then I apologize, but it’s my hope that it will help someone else to not wait as long as I have to seek help.
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It's a brutal process, but it's the one that works. Keeping all that **** inside is poisonous in the long run. Your stubbornness is serving you well!
 
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#11,387
#11,387
So I went to a family thing yesterday. You fine people know what’s going on. Red is all in. My sons know….everyone else, not so much. We are on a need to know basis and they don’t need to know. It occurred to me yesterday that there are stories that are told about me fondly every time we get together. I was a rambunctious person as a late child and young man. I know you’re shocked. All those stories, without fail, are pain.
And so it continues
 
#11,388
#11,388
Fair warning
It’s that time again.
You may want to skip this



When the all star season started….2 weeks after the incident…..I played my first game. I’d always been a timid child. Scared of roller coaster, timid at bat, scared of getting hit, ect. My first at bat I took a baseball to the helmet. My normal reaction would be to fall down and cry. Instead I just looked at the picture and started walking towards first. I started running my mouth at him as I walked. I even pointed the bat that I was still holding at him. My first base coach ran up and took the bat and walked me to first and tried to calm me down as I continued to talk ****. Finally the ump took me aside and said he didn’t think it was intentional but would throw the pitcher out if anything else happened. I was still seething but I shut up and played the game. I was hit 3 of my 7 at bats in the 2 games I played that day. I was leaning into the pitches that were close. My family told that story yesterday. My beloved and departed father, loved that story as he believed it was the day I decided I was unbeatable. And I guess in some ways it was, but it was really self hate, self punishment, and a mixture of fight or flight coming out as rage. There are so many things that make sense now. My boat is named “unsportsmanlike conduct” my friends called me “slice” because i took golden gloves as a kid and if you got in a fight with me I knew how to cut you with a punch. The worst was a 36 stich cut I put in a kids face who tried to kick me and run at me. I was kicked out of church league basketball because of my style of play. All all stories told about me with some form of “ha ha what a handful you were”. All of it, everything I’m known for is sadness, pain and shame.

Thanks for listening.
 
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#11,392
#11,392
So Dr M says I’m not allowed to engage the anti semites. She says it’s a false joy that’s feeding my self loathing and shame. I’ve done pretty good this week but the absence of that has caused me some serious anxiety.
Can you imagine feeling like you did right before Tennessee made the play on forth and goal to beat Kentucky…except that it’s all day and you have no idea why?

Worse before you get better……..so they say.


If you think of me, think nice things.
 
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#11,393
#11,393
Orangeslice13 said:
So Dr M says I’m not allowed to engage the anti semites. She says it’s a false joy that’s feeding my self loathing and shame. I’ve done pretty good this week but the absence of that has caused me some serious anxiety.
Can you imagine feeling like you did right before Tennessee made the play on forth and goal to beat Kentucky…except that it’s all day and you have no idea why?

Worse before you get better……..so they say.


If you think of me, think nice things.
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Whew. That's some tough love right there! Or the MH equivalent.

Cereally, hang in there. Nice thoughts heading your way.
 
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#11,394
#11,394
Orangeslice13 said:
Fair warning
It’s that time again.
You may want to skip this



When the all star season started….2 weeks after the incident…..I played my first game. I’d always been a timid child. Scared of roller coaster, timid at bat, scared of getting hit, ect. My first at bat I took a baseball to the helmet. My normal reaction would be to fall down and cry. Instead I just looked at the picture and started walking towards first. I started running my mouth at him as I walked. I even pointed the bat that I was still holding at him. My first base coach ran up and took the bat and walked me to first and tried to calm me down as I continued to talk ****. Finally the ump took me aside and said he didn’t think it was intentional but would throw the pitcher out if anything else happened. I was still seething but I shut up and played the game. I was hit 3 of my 7 at bats in the 2 games I played that day. I was leaning into the pitches that were close. My family told that story yesterday. My beloved and departed father, loved that story as he believed it was the day I decided I was unbeatable. And I guess in some ways it was, but it was really self hate, self punishment, and a mixture of fight or flight coming out as rage. There are so many things that make sense now. My boat is named “unsportsmanlike conduct” my friends called me “slice” because i took golden gloves as a kid and if you got in a fight with me I knew how to cut you with a punch. The worst was a 36 stich cut I put in a kids face who tried to kick me and run at me. I was kicked out of church league basketball because of my style of play. All all stories told about me with some form of “ha ha what a handful you were”. All of it, everything I’m known for is sadness, pain and shame.

Thanks for listening.
Click to expand...
i remember well thwhen you posted warning

i dropped out of boy scouts immediately after IT

a former backup LL catcher who always caught BP and later graduated into a BP pitcher. That curve would hang
 
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#11,400
#11,400
Hey @Orangeslice13 have you looked into QNRT? It seems pretty hokey, but it did wonders for me.
You will get through this my man. Things are torn down before they get rebuilt.

So is the silence of the LORD a sign we are already walking in His will for the situation we are praying about? Does it mean we wouldn't listen anyway so He remains silent? Does it mean He has already spoken on it and the time is not right for Him to speak on it again? Does it mean He trusts us to make our own decisions on the matter? I have many many times when there is silence and it really makes me wonder what it means.
 
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