Orangeslice13, a blessing to those around him…..Again

[Orangeslice13]

Hey @Orangeslice13 have you looked into QNRT? It seems pretty hokey, but it did wonders for me.
You will get through this my man. Things are torn down before they get rebuilt.

So is the silence of the LORD a sign we are already walking in His will for the situation we are praying about? Does it mean we wouldn't listen anyway so He remains silent? Does it mean He has already spoken on it and the time is not right for Him to speak on it again? Does it mean He trusts us to make our own decisions on the matter? I have many many times when there is silence and it really makes me wonder what it means.

 

[ArdentVol]

View attachment 654129

works at times for me

 

[Orangeslice13]

View attachment 654129

 

[Tin Man]

May you be at peace. May your heart remain open. May you awaken to the light of your own true nature. May you be healed. May you be a source of healing for all beings.

 

[superdave1984]

So does Hebrews 13:5 only apply to money or does it also apply to other stuff we tend to chse after like cars or other material things?

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

 

[superdave1984]

@Orangeslice13 I know it is not much consolation, but this too shall pass.
Even though the LORD may seem distant right now, He is with you. Maybe carrying you. He has you in his hands and is working in your life even if you cannot see or feel it.

 

[Orangeslice13]

@Orangeslice13 I know it is not much consolation, but this too shall pass.
Even though the LORD may seem distant right now, He is with you. Maybe carrying you. He has you in his hands and is working in your life even if you cannot see or feel it.

Psalms 119
105 Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.
106 I have sworn and I will confirm it,
That I will keep Your righteous judgments.
107 I am exceedingly afflicted;
[aq]Revive me, Lord, according to Your word.
108 Be pleased to accept the [ar]voluntary offerings of my mouth, Lord,
And teach me Your judgments.
109 My [as]life is continually [at]in my hand,
Yet I do not forget Your Law.
110 The wicked have set a [au]trap for me,
Yet I have not wandered from Your precepts.
111 I have inherited Your testimonies forever,
For they are the joy of my heart.
112 I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes
Forever, even to the end.

 

[Orangeslice13]

I hope at some point that this will all help someone else and there’s another paragraph coming soon but today is starting out with a level of peace I’ve not had in quite some time.

I’m really proud of myself for staying sober through all of this. Small victories matter.

 

[VolNExile]

I'd call it a pretty large victory, myself.

 

[Orangeslice13]

This song speaks to me right now.

Release me
No remnants were ever found of it
Feeling the hot bile
With every fake smile
Though no evidence was ever found it never went away completely
I try to appellate a holy sound of it
Another day gone
Another night's drawn
Dark forces pull me underground and never went away completely



How can I feel this empty
I will not recover this time
This loneliness is killing me

 

[Orangeslice13]

I'd call it a pretty large victory, myself.

Tear it down
Build it back.
It’s a process….but yes I feel small victories in this equal big victories long term.

Thanks Exie.
You mean a lot to me as a supportive imaginary friend.
(That’s what I call you people)

 

[Orangeslice13]

Heated Vinyasa at 10 am.
I didn’t make it through the class the first time. So going to pace myself and try to be upright at the end of class.


Wish me luck

 

[Orangeslice13]

 

[VolNExile]

Heated Vinyasa at 10 am.
I didn’t make it through the class the first time. So going to pace myself and try to be upright at the end of class.


Wish me luck

Not sure which sounds more awful, hot yoga or ice plunges, but good luck!

 

[Orangeslice13]

I’ve felt pretty good the last 3 days. Better than I can remember in a long time. I know I’m not magically better. There will be bumps and groans along the way.

So I go for a run this morning and get done. There’s an email from Dr M saying that “if I’m ready we should discuss why I enjoy physical pain in today’s session…..”

Awesome, let’s talk about the things I’m absolutely the most embarrassed about for an hour…….

 

[superdave1984]

You can always say you aren't ready for that. Or you can jump off the wall into the deep water. Either way, you are not alone.

 

[Orangeslice13]

You can always say you aren't ready for that. Or you can jump off the wall into the deep water. Either way, you are not alone.

Thanks for the support.
Let’s just get it over with and see what else falls out when we rip off the bandaid.

 

[McDad]

I’ve felt pretty good the last 3 days. Better than I can remember in a long time. I know I’m not magically better. There will be bumps and groans along the way.

So I go for a run this morning and get done. There’s an email from Dr M saying that “if I’m ready we should discuss why I enjoy physical pain in today’s session…..”

Awesome, let’s talk about the things I’m absolutely the most embarrassed about for an hour…….View attachment 655608

I hope Dr M is a real therapist and not some leather-clad lady with a "therapy" dungeon full of pain inducing implements.

Either way, best wishes for your session.

 

[Orangeslice13]

I hope Dr M is a real therapist and not some leather-clad lady with a "therapy" dungeon full of pain inducing implements.

Either way, best wishes for your session.

Thanks.
She’s a PHD specialized in sexual trauma.
She’s pretty young but she’s no joke. She knows what I’m feeling before I say anything. She asks lots of questions and lets me get there without ever telling me what she thinks.

I did a ton of research before I applied to be seen by her and she had a full book of patients so I had to be interviewed and accepted. Fortunately I’m broken enough that she thought I was in need of help.

Appreciate you McD

 

[Orangeslice13]

You got your hell together
You know it could be worse
A self-inflicted murder
Maybe, maybe
You say it's all a crisis
You say it's all a blur
There comes a time you've gotta face it, face it


Hey, hey, hell is what you make, make
Rise against your fate, fate
Nothing's gonna keep you down
Even if it's killing you
Because you know the truth

Listen up, listen up
There's a devil in the church
Got a bullet in the chamber and
This is gonna hurt






Ya know…..with pain being today’s theme

 

[Danl]

Dr. M. maybe knows that you are now ready to go there. She seems to be pretty sharp.
Go kick it's ass, Slice.

 

[Orangeslice13]

 

[Orangeslice13]

Dr. M. maybe knows that you are now ready to go there. She seems to be pretty sharp.
Go kick it's ass, Slice.

Dr M is just awesome.
Makes me uncomfortable as ****. Facing stuff I’d just rather not. I only broke down once today so that’s a positive.

Onward and upwards

 

[Orangeslice13]

 

[Orangeslice13]

One of the things that came out …..or I realized yesterday is that I tend to help people or am involved in charity type work. This is related to things I’m going through. For example I might be the kinda guy who would make his struggles public so that others who are suffering would also decide to seek help. I’m not sure why I do it. Is it trama response to cope and feel better or concern for my fellow man?
I guess I’m going to get to figure it out because this morning I got this in an email.

“Reminder:Begin to explore the difference between the persona you needed to create in response to trauma vs. the parts of you that are not in response to trauma. “






































I don’t like this very much