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#42,105
#42,105
drvenner said:
Not sure if this is a true story about self-tasering or not, but it is pretty dang funny. Long read, but worth it.

WARNING FOR ALL MALES FROM ME
Last weekend I saw something at The Gun Show that sparked my interest. I was looking for a little something different for my wife Dana. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Dana what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Leo looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Leo (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a singlet with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with his head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
· My bent reading glasses were on the top of the TV.
· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
· I had no control over the drooling.
· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
Click to expand...
I cant stop laughing!!!
Thanks for letting me know..... im that same guy & have always been curious. Now i know lmfao.
Goodluck with your recovery.
 
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#42,107
#42,107
tnhunter 10 said:
No other team has played or beat more ranked teams. We're better then Michigan. I think we're the 4th best team at worst.
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I don’t disagree but not a believer in the AP voters. They had A&M 6th, Utah 7th, OU 9th, Baylor 10th, Mich St 15th, Miami 16th etc etc in the preseason poll. They don’t know anything and frankly their poll no longer matters with the addition of the playoff and their own separate rankings.
 
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#42,108
#42,108
Glitch said:
He was at his home, with his girl. He wasn't out at a party or a bar or club. He was at home and some rando drunk busts into HIS home. I don't want to say he is 100% innocent of everything, but he was not looking for trouble. I hope he gets cleared and gets to finish his time at UT. Like you said, by all accounts JM is a good kid and a good teammate. Hate that this came into his path.
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The 2nd and 3rd sentence is the most frustrating part of all of this. He was literally just hanging out at his apartment and trouble found him, when most of the time when players are getting in trouble they are out putting themselves in position to get in trouble. He’s never been in trouble at UT and we’ve never heard a bad thing about him.

I hope the real situation is completely different than the police report.
 
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#42,109
#42,109
Once again I find myself not nervous… Beating Bama is never going to be easy. I have faith in this team and these coaches that no matter the outcome we are in good hands. If you told me we’d be here in year 2 with legit shots to win if we play well I’d have never believed it. I hope we continue to get better and play to our strengths. One game at a time. Beat Bama! GBO! 🍊
 
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#42,110
#42,110
volbeast33 said:
We have already done that some…..we have encouraged players that transferring may be in their best interest…A lot of great coaches clear the roster of dead weight… it’s part of the process.
Click to expand...

Aren’t we able to sign more this cycle? I thought there was something about unlimited signees if you have space.
 
#42,113
#42,113
Leeleesteeth said:
I know it's dang near impossible, but I wish people would withhold judgement until the details come out. Could be a fight with another student, wrong place wrong time, anything. Guy has given his all and stuck around through all the Pruitt bullcrap and needs the benefit of the doubt for now.
Click to expand...
SPOT ON
 
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#42,114
#42,114
SoilVol said:
So it definitely makes sense that you're seeing it from the victim's perspective because you've literally been in the victim's shoes. Nobody making the mistake you made and handling it the way you handled it deserves to have the crap beat out of them, and I'm thankful you were helped. Shoot, I once walked into my apartment with a drunk stranger asleep in my bed. Woke him up and had a chat after he calmed down from thinking I'd broke in on HIM. Offered for him to stay the night but he opted to leave.

We don't yet know if this victim handled it the way you did or if he belligerently got defensive and aggressive in response to JM's questioning or even JM trying to initially help him. If he did and JM escalated this himself then its very very bad and he's going to pay the price. But as for most of these kind of reports we need to wait for both sides and more details because there's a lot of potential scenarios.
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So what y’all are basically saying is bad things happen when people drink. I’ve been trying to tell y’all that! 😂
 
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#42,115
#42,115
MEDVOL said:
Anyone notice the attendance for the Florida game recorded on Wikipedia? 105,639. Akron was listed at the new capacity of 101,915.

Thats the first time in a while that I've seen a Neyland game attendance listed over capacity. Wasn't there some fire marshall rule that stopped us from doing that?
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Shoot, the fire marshall was probably one of the 105,639!

Just wait for 110k vs Bama
 
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#42,117
#42,117
Glitch said:
He was at his home, with his girl. He wasn't out at a party or a bar or club. He was at home and some rando drunk busts into HIS home. I don't want to say he is 100% innocent of everything, but he was not looking for trouble. I hope he gets cleared and gets to finish his time at UT. Like you said, by all accounts JM is a good kid and a good teammate. Hate that this came into his path.
Click to expand...
Exactly
 
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#42,122
#42,122
Glitch said:
He was at his home, with his girl. He wasn't out at a party or a bar or club. He was at home and some rando drunk busts into HIS home. I don't want to say he is 100% innocent of everything, but he was not looking for trouble. I hope he gets cleared and gets to finish his time at UT. Like you said, by all accounts JM is a good kid and a good teammate. Hate that this came into his path.
Click to expand...

“Your Honor, my client does not dispute the facts as presented by the prosecution. However, we believe, as a matter of law, that the facts show a sufficient amount of ‘******* around’ in this case to support a ruling of ‘found out,” and on those grounds move to dismiss.”
 
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