Slips of the tongue

#31
#31
I had just gotten off the phone with my wife, when my boss called. He called with a one-word answer and that was yes that I could work late. I immediately said thanks I love you bye and hung up the phone. Needless to say, that was extremely funny conversation the next time I saw him in person.

Another instance of talking to my wife, the kids were upset in the car, and she let me go immediately and said she would call me right back. The phone immediately rang and I said "are you ready for some fun time when I get home?" It was not my wife. It was my doctor Who said "yes I am playing in an adult soccer league. That is all the fun I'll be having tonight." And I hate going to the doctor so It was even more odd after that.
 
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#32
#32
These posts were awesome. Wife was laughing hysterically as i read them to her last night. Thanks to all who contributed.
 
#33
#33
This is a great thread. Thanks for starting, McDad. I read all of them to my wife last night also. We had a good laugh. Good for the soul!
 
#34
#34
My mother-in-law (74) kept getting those annoying wanting to sell you something phone calls. She got so fed up with them, that she began to just pick the phone up, yell obscenities, then slam the phone down.

A week later, rather annoyed, she calls her youngest daughter up and asks her why she hadn't called.

My wife's sister explained: "Well, every time I call, you tell me don't call here anymore mother fu@#%&"! So I didn't".
 
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#35
#35
I onced authored an email apologizing for a member of my team's "incompetence", which was autocorrected to "incontinance." The user had a good laugh about it.
 
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#37
#37
When my oldest daughter was 18 mos we were in a very crowded grocery store. After she had an accident she looked at my wife and said "Mommy, I chit my pants. Will you clean my nasty a**". Needless to say the reations were all over the place from people laughing hysterically to others looking at us like we were pure evil.
 
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#38
#38
MyBloodRunnethOrange said:
When my oldest daughter was 18 mos we were in a very crowded grocery store. After she had an accident she looked at my wife and said "Mommy, I chit my pants. Will you clean my nasty a**". Needless to say the reations were all over the place from people laughing hysterically to others looking at us like we were pure evil.
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:eek:lol::birgits_giggle::lol:
 
#40
#40
MyBloodRunnethOrange said:
When my oldest daughter was 18 mos we were in a very crowded grocery store. After she had an accident she looked at my wife and said "Mommy, I chit my pants. Will you clean my nasty a**". Needless to say the reations were all over the place from people laughing hysterically to others looking at us like we were pure evil.
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Lmao. Lmao.
 
#41
#41
MyBloodRunnethOrange said:
When my oldest daughter was 18 mos we were in a very crowded grocery store. After she had an accident she looked at my wife and said "Mommy, I chit my pants. Will you clean my nasty a**". Needless to say the reations were all over the place from people laughing hysterically to others looking at us like we were pure evil.
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I see that you rocked her to sleep to "Straight outta Compton"
 
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#42
#42
My granny had a knack for some odd ones. One I will never forget was when she was over for dinner one night. My mom says, mother your hair looks great. To which granny said, "I had it done by Lois Sale. $10 for hair cut, shampoo and a blow job." My dad without missing a beat said. Do you need an appointment?
 
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#43
#43
volger said:
My granny had a knack for some odd ones. One I will never forget was when she was over for dinner one night. My mom says, mother your hair looks great. To which granny said, "I had it done by Lois Sale. $10 for hair cut, shampoo and a blow job." My dad without missing a beat said. Do you need an appointment?
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA:eek:lol:
 
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#44
#44
Insert story about the androgynous person that you call the wrong gender.





We've all been there. And honestly, there's no recovery. Just find an out and move on. Lol
 
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#45
#45
volger said:
My granny had a knack for some odd ones. One I will never forget was when she was over for dinner one night. My mom says, mother your hair looks great. To which granny said, "I had it done by Lois Sale. $10 for hair cut, shampoo and a blow job." My dad without missing a beat said. Do you need an appointment?
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Niiiice! Your pops has balls throwing that at the mother in law.



















But seriously, do they take appointments?
 
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#47
#47
MyBloodRunnethOrange said:
When my oldest daughter was 18 mos we were in a very crowded grocery store. After she had an accident she looked at my wife and said "Mommy, I chit my pants. Will you clean my nasty a**". Needless to say the reations were all over the place from people laughing hysterically to others looking at us like we were pure evil.
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Chalk me up as one who would've reacted both ways. Lol
 
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#48
#48
volger said:
True story. I couldn't make that up. I thought I was going to piss myself. We never let her forget it either. Bless her heart.
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At a job that i used to have in a store years ago. There was an older lady who answered the phone and did overhead announcements. She was easily fooled and people working in the store would page her and have her make calls overhead for people like Mike Hunt and Jack Meoff.:eek:lol:
 
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