Slips of the tongue

#51
#51
Dave1967 said:
At a job that i used to have in a store years ago. There was an older lady who answered the phone and did overhead announcements. She was easily fooled and people working in the store would page her and have her make calls overhead for people like Mike Hunt and Jack Meoff.:eek:lol:
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Did they ever get her to page Ben Dover?
 
#53
#53
GAVol said:
I played in a golf tournament sponsored by my Dad's company and won the prize for Longest Drive. My Dad's secretary came up to me afterward and said "I heard the good news. congratulations."

My ego told me that clearly she was talking about that monstrous drive I had hit. She was, in fact, referencing the fact that my wife was pregnant which explains why her mouth dropped wide open when I replied "Yeah. I just got up there and hit it as hard as I could."
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Thx for sharing. Worthy of a like
 
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#54
#54
This was about 10 years ago.

A colleague of mine, a white middle-aged gentleman, allowed his young daughter listen to an iPod he was borrowing from an intern in the Cleveland, TN (Church of God town) chick-fil-a.

He had either forgotten or did not realize there were some explicit songs were on there until she started blaring out loud the lyrics to 2 live crew's: Hey.. We want some *****!

He was mortified.
 
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#55
#55
Several years ago an employee came in to ask for some time off due to personal issues, my boss at the time was 70ish or so and sat in.

Employee said his wife was recently diagnosed with cancer and it was bad, she had to have surgery and chemo and not to mention but their dog died and the kids were all upset.

Boss looked at him and said "sorry to hear about your dog, take as many days as you need".
 
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#56
#56
Ordered Jimmy Johns one night

Hand delivery guy the money, he gives me bag of deliciousness.
DG: "Thanks enjoy"
Me: "Thanks! You too."


....
 
#60
#60
The last shop I ran, I had 40 pesonnel assigned to me. Anyway, one of my many responsibilities was to ensure everyone was ready to go in a moments notice to any spot around the world.
When asking my non-citizens for their "papers", just to check and make sure they're current, stupid me has a brain disconnect. I proceeded to ask Yamil for his, he looked at me funny, smiled and while starting to laugh, he asked me "what papers?" I said, you know, your citizenship papers. He laughed and said, "but Seargent, I am from Puerto Rico, I was born a citizen of the United States".
All I could say was, well, I feel stupid!
 
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#61
#61
Early in my marriage we were spending some time with the in-laws. Mother in Law was trying to fix me lunch but I wasn't particularly hungry. She complained to my wife that my appetite seemed to come and go. My wife replied "That's just the way he is, one day he isn't hungry, the next day he eats me under the table."


Needless to say I had to leave the room for a minute.
 
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#62
#62
whocaresgobobcats said:
Ordered Jimmy Johns one night

Hand delivery guy the money, he gives me bag of deliciousness.
DG: "Thanks enjoy"
Me: "Thanks! You too."


....
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I did this to a Domino's delivery women. She just looked at me. I hesitated then winked, grabbed a slice and shut the door.
 
#63
#63
vader said:
several years ago i was going to the grocery store and my wife asked me to buy some pancake mix along with quite a bit of other stuff.

As the guy was scanning the items, he noticed that the top of the pancake mix has a small tear in it and some pancake mix puffed out when he picked it up.

I said, "thanks man, good eye"

i looked at him and he only had one working eye. The other one was blind and had that milky look. I realized how it sounded and was mortified. It was awkward.
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😡
 
#64
#64
I told a builder that I was gonna do a hardwood floor job for ($100,000,000 home) if the floor cupped because the moisture was so high, "I won't be held RELIABLE" smdh....
 
#71
#71
I've always been a pretty funny person so that was no different back when I was 8. On that day I had gone to the nursing home with my church and had spent the day keeping the elderly company.

Well I had a blast so when my Mom and Nanny (Mom's mom) came to pick me up I was extremely excited to tell them about what I had done. When I was younger I had a penchant for using complex sounding words without really understanding their meaning, this time was no different. So I tell them in am excited voice, " I had those old ladies laughing so hard that they orgasmed!"

I didn't realize why my mom had nearly wrecked from laughing until a couple years after that...
 
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#72
#72
Back when i was looking for work and hearing nothing from anybody I was getting a lot of strange calls for "jimmy". They were all redneck as heck and were getting pissed at me because jimmy wasn't there. they were all out of state or area numbers and i was starting to get pissed off. I get a call from my future boss, i pick up pissed off having already received two calls for Jimmy that day, see the out of state number and answer with. "No Jimmy isn't here and even if he was I wouldn't put him on the phone." my boss replies "well thats fine I was looking for 'LouderVol'." that was fun explaining during the interview
 
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#73
#73
When I was 8 I heard the word MF for the first time from some of the neighborhood teens. Why it came to my mind at this exact moment I don't know, but a few days later I asked my grandmother what it meant in a crowded doctor's office waiting room. She smacked my mouth and told me to never use that word again.
 
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#74
#74
I worked at a restaurant in high school, and slipped up and said "have a bad day!" to some customers as they were leaving.
 
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