Slips of the tongue

#76
#76
When I was 11 i had just come home from.staying at a friends house for a few days. My parents and I were eating dinner and they were asking about my weekend. I was telling them a story about my friends dad taking us somewhere and how he got lost and we ended up in BFE....except I said Bum F Egypt....the room went silent and I just sat there for a second. The look on my moms face was pure horror with a mix of the I'm gonna beat the he%% out of you. The rest of dinner was pretty quiet.
 
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#77
#77
This isn't a slip of the tongue, just a funny tidbit...

One day, back in 2001, while in a staff meeting with our Colonel, I heard him say he was from Alabama. Being an Orange Blooded Volunteer fan that I am, I knew I couldn't let this opportunity slide.

After the staff meeting, everyone on their way out, I got the Colonel by himself and I asked, from Alabama, eh sir? This was his reply, "Yes, I'm from Alabama, I don't like football, and I'm NOT gay!". All I could say, with a smile, was, you might want to have that checked out, sir. Popped a salute, told him to have a good day, and about faced and out.

Seriously, this was one of the finest O6s I had ever worked for In my 25 year military career.
 
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#78
#78
K-town Vol Fan said:
I worked at Pals in HS at one of the walk-in stores. I was taking this guys order and he asked for 2 teas half ice. So I call it out in the microphone with a lobby full of people as "2 teas half ass." I was so embarrassed but everyone just laughed.
Click to expand...

did you work for Herb ?
 
#79
#79
the first time I flew on an airplane,the girl at the counter asked Smoking ?


and the first thing out of my mouth was


Pot ?

yes I was red eyed too :)


when I was around 3 or 4 and was sitting on Santa's lap,at the mall,he asked what I wanted for Christmas

I said a 6 pack of beer


dear ole mom was mortified
 
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#83
#83
This thread was before I joined, so just read through it for the first time and was laughing out loud.

15 years ago - actually the weekend of another awful FL game - a few friends and our girlfriends were staying with friends in SF. One of my buddies who we were staying with was dating - now married - to a girl who was in a very popular all girl Filipino group similar in style to En Vogue. Music was playing and he asked what I wanted to hear next. I replied I didn't care as long as it was better than this crap.

The music playing was her band and she was next to me as I made the statement. I immediately realized this and tried to recover, but obviously I felt like an ass.
 
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#84
#84
This thread is gold!

Here's mine, a text to my boss accidentally, I usually text my wife around 5 am when I'm on my way home from work, it was after a long weekend back in December, I hadn't quite adjusted to the new shift and was tired. I had been texting him tooling list through the night cause he was hard to find during our shift.

"Hey babe on my way home, kids asleep? Ready for mommy and daddy time??"

Sent to my new boss.

Didn't realize it until around 9 am, he texted back "get some rest and pay attention next time! TMI!"
 
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#85
#85
Worked with a girl who was foreign and not 100% in the english department. We had a work lunch at an Italian place and someone ordered a calamari appetizer. She had never seen the tentacles before so she asked what they were and I explained they were squid tentacles. She found it gross but I said they were good.

A few weeks later she was relaying the story at a training event, she said she couldn't bear the thought of putting TESTICLES in her mouth but that I had said it was the best part. I about fell out of my chair.
 
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#86
#86
This isn't really a slip of the tongue but more getting pissed and shooting my mouth off.

We were having a "counter day" at work. The company sponsored a Nascar driver and they would bring in the car, have a cookout, vendors showing their products, dunk tanks for the salesman to climb in, and door prizes. All of our customers were invited.

I had been going through a lot.. very stressful time. I had been promoted to outside sales, but was not given an established territory or sales list. My boss was a real jerk and had basically given me a list of all the customers he had pissed off or screwed over during his years in sales and expected me to bring them back and start buying from us again.

Plus my grandfather had cancer at the time, 2 new babies, and my salary was straight commission now with a crap client base. I was working another job and also putting in 12 hour days there.

I had a small bald patch appear on the right side of my head, about he size of a silver dollar. It was very noticeable. I went to the doctor and he said it happens sometimes when a person is under a lot of stress and it should grow back... Which it eventually did.

I was talking to some customers that I was trying to win back and up walks my boss. None of these guys could stand him.. and personally I wasn't far from that. First words out of his mouth were "Hey, what's that bald spot on the side of your head? You got ringworm or something? Yuck yuck yuck!!"

Me being a level 10 smartass never missed a beat and just said it without thinking "It's those damn high heels your wife likes to wear, she likes to wear them when I go down on her and it's rubbing all the hair off in that one little spot."

He turned 2 shades of white and then 3 more shades of red and walked off. The guys I was talking to were laughing so hard they were crying.

That's not something I would typically do or say, but his only intention was to embarrass me and laugh at someone else's expense. He was a bully but I don't take to being bullied very well. Lol

That was the last time he ever said or did anything like that to me.. others yes but I guess I was off limits after that lol.
 
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#87
#87
Was talking to my brother on the phone recently and he was making some joking reference to the Energizer Bunny, only he garbled it and it came out as Energiner Buzzy. I started laughing, "Dang man, that sounds like an adult toy!" Much laughter ensued.
 
#88
#88
My mother rest her soul was always good for a wth did she just say moment.

Going into the 7th grade our small country school was getting a new principle. During the summer we had received a number of news letters and related information in the mail introducing the new principle with his picture on most of the mailing. My mother always kept all of our school related paperwork in a dresser drawer in the guest bedroom. I wrote this to give you her thought process when the following occurred.

A few days before the new school year they had parent student orientation and meet and greet for the new principle. We attended and took our place in line to shake the new principles hand and introduce ourselves.

My mother was busy chatting with several other ladies in the line as our turn to introduce ourselves came up. The new principle startled my mom by saying hello and extending his hand to her. She looked up and grabbed his hand as he told her his name. The Lord be my witness she patted his hand and said, "I know you, every time I look in my drawers I see your face". She smiled sweetly and walked away, leaving me and the new principle eye to eye with our jaws dropped. I remember mumbling something and quickly walking away.

CH_V
 
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#89
#89
CopperHead_Vol said:
My mother rest her soul was always good for a wth did she just say moment.

Going into the 7th grade our small country school was getting a new principle. During the summer we had received a number of news letters and related information in the mail introducing the new principle with his picture on most of the mailing. My mother always kept all of our school related paperwork in a dresser drawer in the guest bedroom. I wrote this to give you her thought process when the following occurred.

A few days before the new school year they had parent student orientation and meet and greet for the new principle. We attended and took our place in line to shake the new principles hand and introduce ourselves.

My mother was busy chatting with several other ladies in the line as our turn to introduce ourselves came up. The new principle startled my mom by saying hello and extending his hand to her. She looked up and grabbed his hand as he told her his name. The Lord be my witness she patted his hand and said, "I know you, every time I look in my drawers I see your face". She smiled sweetly and walked away, leaving me and the new principle eye to eye with our jaws dropped. I remember mumbling something and quickly walking away.

CH_V
Click to expand...

Outstanding! Thank you for the belly laugh
 
#90
#90
Back in the 80's when Braves games were first put on TV, I was watching a game with my elderly grandparents when my grandmother stated, "that batter has two balls on him". Without hesitation my grandfather said "most of them do, honey". I horse laughed as she looked and him with the best "you smartass" look.
 
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#91
#91
This thread is hilarious.

One of the funnier recent things is my mother got an i-phone and began texting. In her world W.T.F. means "well that's fantastic."

So we're telling Mom what WTF means in the rest of the world when my brother sends her a text about something and we get her to reply with "W.T.F."

Well, that has my brother calling all of us asking if Mom is OK. Later we let him know what was up.
 
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#92
#92
my in laws had a family that lived beside them... husband, wife and son.... I had met the wife..... but never laid eyes on the husband or son.. My wife told me the son drove a Jetta and I saw a dark haired guy pulling in their driveway in it that day.... I sssumed it was the son.... well..,, I forget why I was sent over to their house.... but I rang the doorbell and the dark haired guy from the Jetta answered the door..... he looked much younger than the wife I'd met... so I say "is your mom at home?".... he says "excuse me?".... I said "Is Your mom home?".....rather hatefully he says "I own this residence"...... the day my wife pointed out the son's car.... which had tinted windows.... daddy was driving it. Not only did I insult him by asking if his mom was home..... I also suggested his wife was an old hag..... plus if he told the wife..... I pissed her off too..... it was a definite Southwest moment
 
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#93
#93
Dave1967 said:
At a job that i used to have in a store years ago. There was an older lady who answered the phone and did overhead announcements. She was easily fooled and people working in the store would page her and have her make calls overhead for people like Mike Hunt and Jack Meoff.:eek:lol:
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Me and a buddy did that to a temp receptionist at work once. I called the main office number and acted panicked like I needed to reach my boss .....I said he was there but that I didn't know who he was there to meet with....all while using a butchered middle eastern accent ..... she hesitated when I asked her to page him..... so I said "we had fire at plant"..... she asked for his name and then paged Asheet Myazz
 
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#94
#94
CopperHead_Vol said:
My mother rest her soul was always good for a wth did she just say moment.

Going into the 7th grade our small country school was getting a new principle. During the summer we had received a number of news letters and related information in the mail introducing the new principle with his picture on most of the mailing. My mother always kept all of our school related paperwork in a dresser drawer in the guest bedroom. I wrote this to give you her thought process when the following occurred.

A few days before the new school year they had parent student orientation and meet and greet for the new principle. We attended and took our place in line to shake the new principles hand and introduce ourselves.

My mother was busy chatting with several other ladies in the line as our turn to introduce ourselves came up. The new principle startled my mom by saying hello and extending his hand to her. She looked up and grabbed his hand as he told her his name. The Lord be my witness she patted his hand and said, "I know you, every time I look in my drawers I see your face". She smiled sweetly and walked away, leaving me and the new principle eye to eye with our jaws dropped. I remember mumbling something and quickly walking away.

CH_V
Click to expand...

Lol

About that ...

An engineering group I was in was given with an urgent "get it done yesterday" task. The group leader was a lady who could work circles around most men, but we could tell she was getting really sick during the day.

We worked till long after dark and everyone went home. Next morning everyone on the floor had shown up but her and she called in with a doctor's appt. She'd gathered everyone's calculations for review before she left the previous night but we had to keep on so we started looking in her cubicle: bookcase, shelves, credenza....

One guy started in on her desk and I pointed out, a bit too loudly,

"She wouldn't want you in her drawers"

Aaand ... half the office erupted in howls as he responded, "Like you would know".
 
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#95
#95
Boca Vol said:
This thread is hilarious.

One of the funnier recent things is my mother got an i-phone and began texting. In her world W.T.F. means "well that's fantastic."

So we're telling Mom what WTF means in the rest of the world when my brother sends her a text about something and we get her to reply with "W.T.F."

Well, that has my brother calling all of us asking if Mom is OK. Later we let him know what was up.
Click to expand...

Worked with a girl that thought LOL stood for Lots of Love. We had a client that used lol all the time in emails. She finally confronted him and said she was happily married, he had a wife and kids, and he shouldn't be putting stuff like LOL in business emails. Of course he had no idea what she was talking about. Lol.
 
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#96
#96
DancingOutlaw said:
Worked with a girl that thought LOL stood for Lots of Love. We had a client that used lol all the time in emails. She finally confronted him and said she was happily married, he had a wife and kids, and he shouldn't be putting stuff like LOL in business emails. Of course he had no idea what she was talking about. Lol.
Click to expand...
My dad did the same thing. We finally had to tell him when he texted lol after I gave him some bad news about mom's cancer.
 
#99
#99
When my little girl was 2, my wife worked with a woman who had a son named Nicholas, who she called "Niggle" because she couldn't say his name yet. One day, she saw a kid that looked kind of like him walk past our aisle in the grocery store and started yelling "Niggle!" over and over at the top of her lungs. Luckily, there was nobody else in our aisle, but I can imagine the reactions of those within earshot.
 
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