Tiffany's Thread (updates and prayers, and a place where she can smack Joe in public when he needs it :)

#4,602
#4,602
joevol33 said:
You won't believe this. Florida sister is on the way back, and told their dad not to make any decisions. She told him they'd take her and swap hospitals, even take her to Florida if they have to because her Dr doesn't know anything. So now, her dad thinks if they take her somewhere else they can help her. I've said, I get wanting some hope, but that sister is making him stupid. They're going to make her suffer more. I'm trying to stay out of it, because it's not my mom, but I'm on the verge of saying something.
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Being the outside voice isn't easy. But the family needs it. God will tell you what to say,
 
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#4,605
#4,605
joevol33 said:
You won't believe this. Florida sister is on the way back, and told their dad not to make any decisions. She told him they'd take her and swap hospitals, even take her to Florida if they have to because her Dr doesn't know anything. So now, her dad thinks if they take her somewhere else they can help her. I've said, I get wanting some hope, but that sister is making him stupid. They're going to make her suffer more. I'm trying to stay out of it, because it's not my mom, but I'm on the verge of saying something.
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The hospital Psychiatrist needs to talk with her dad - its sounds like he really needs help thanks to the sister -- he could end up blaming himself because of all her talk
 
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#4,606
#4,606
joevol33 said:
Agree completely
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Man, I hope it doesn't escalate to this... BUT the hospital should have an ethics committee, and one of its functions is to consider cases when families can't agree on treatment and withdrawing of treatment, especially when the disagreement might cause a patient even more harm. The last thing your MIL needs is to be transported to another hospital on one sibling's whim. That is selfish and cruel, not to mention tearing your FIL apart.

At some point, someone might have to ask the lead doctor if this would be appropriate. I honestly don't know.

Also, maybe your FIL might talk to the hospital chaplain. If there's a family pastor, that's obviously good too, but hospital chaplains are specially trained (a graduate-level divinity school course, etc.) to work with patients who are gravely ill and their families. If nothing else, as some support for Tiffany's poor dad.
 
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#4,607
#4,607
VolNExile said:
Man, I hope it doesn't escalate to this... BUT the hospital should have an ethics committee, and one of its functions is to consider cases when families can't agree on treatment and withdrawing of treatment, especially when the disagreement might cause a patient even more harm. The last thing your MIL needs is to be transported to another hospital on one sibling's whim. That is selfish and cruel, not to mention tearing your FIL apart.

At some point, someone might have to ask the lead doctor if this would be appropriate. I honestly don't know.

Also, maybe your FIL might talk to the hospital chaplain. If there's a family pastor, that's obviously good too, but hospital chaplains are specially trained (a graduate-level divinity school course, etc.) to work with patients who are gravely ill and their families. If nothing else, as some support for Tiffany's poor dad.
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I feel for her mom, I do, and wish there was something I could do. That said, I can absolutely relate to how her dad feels. I've been there a couple of times where it looked like Tiffany wouldn't come home. It sucks, it hurts, I've cried until I couldn't cry, and completely understand wanting any hope. Heck, we've been all over trying to find help, and she's still struggling. Been off IV treatment for not even a week, Dr called yesterday and said her labs from Friday were bad, and will probably restart after IVIG tomorrow. It makes me mad for him, because his emotions are so vulnerable, that her sister is having her way with him. At some point though, like he was there this morning, he's gotta understand the situation. I have no problem with Tiffany staying with him at the hospital, but it's because he couldn't handle being there without someone. I've had to sit and think about what I was going to do if she didn't make it. I've had to tell the kids that, and take care of herby myself. I'm not saying that like I'm better, stronger, or anything, because it hurts. However, that's part of life unfortunately, and as much as it sucks, it's part of being a spouse, parent, etc. There are unfortunately times that you have to put on a strong show, because there are people depending on you. I've acted tough, and got by myself praying, crying, and even just yapping on here to deal with it. I just hate that Tiffany said he finally really understood this morning, and now because of her sister, he's back to thinking if they switch hospitals, everything will be fine.
 
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#4,611
#4,611
joevol33 said:
Tiffany said they had to call in a rapid response team for her mom. She kept saying weird stuff, and wanting her head moved. Then started shaking, oxygen dropped to 70, and she was pleading with Tiffany to help her. They've taken her back now for a CT scan.
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Oh bless her heart, I'm keeping her in my prayers. I know when my Mother had two failed hip surgeries they gave her morphine when she had the first surgery and that was a nightmare because my Mother had never had a narcotic and was allergic to a lot of medicines and she started hallucinating mice coming out of the walls and it was terrible and it took four days to ware off. So after that I had to fend off all of the drugs, because when you have a person like my Mother who has never taken drugs and then you give her hard narcotics, they feel like they are loosing their mind, I know that one day my Mother called 911 in the hospital bless her heart.
 
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#4,612
#4,612
joevol33 said:
I feel for her mom, I do, and wish there was something I could do. That said, I can absolutely relate to how her dad feels. I've been there a couple of times where it looked like Tiffany wouldn't come home. It sucks, it hurts, I've cried until I couldn't cry, and completely understand wanting any hope. Heck, we've been all over trying to find help, and she's still struggling. Been off IV treatment for not even a week, Dr called yesterday and said her labs from Friday were bad, and will probably restart after IVIG tomorrow. It makes me mad for him, because his emotions are so vulnerable, that her sister is having her way with him. At some point though, like he was there this morning, he's gotta understand the situation. I have no problem with Tiffany staying with him at the hospital, but it's because he couldn't handle being there without someone. I've had to sit and think about what I was going to do if she didn't make it. I've had to tell the kids that, and take care of herby myself. I'm not saying that like I'm better, stronger, or anything, because it hurts. However, that's part of life unfortunately, and as much as it sucks, it's part of being a spouse, parent, etc. There are unfortunately times that you have to put on a strong show, because there are people depending on you. I've acted tough, and got by myself praying, crying, and even just yapping on here to deal with it. I just hate that Tiffany said he finally really understood this morning, and now because of her sister, he's back to thinking if they switch hospitals, everything will be fine.
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During Covid, before they had vaccines, and there wasn't any specific treatment other than steroids and other medical support, O2, vitamin D, and prayer, my mother's physicians told me that if she ever went on a vent, she would never be able to wean from it (get completely off of it and breathe independently.) This was because with her non-existent short-term memory, she would not be able to remember what she had to do ("pulmonary toilette") to cough and clear her lungs of secretions. (She's a tough old bird, but during my one-hour visit today, she asked me 8 times where she was and 7 times where I live.) We put her on "Do Not Hospitalize" directives, along with the usual ones, as it was made clear that she would not survive hospitalization at that point in the pandemic. Hardest decision I've ever had to make. We never had to come to the test on this, at least not for Covid, but I dreaded having to decide if I would change my mind.

I hate that you guys are going through this, because I second-guessed myself for the first two+ years of Covid, even though I knew it was the right thing to do. (And also consistent with what she had said in the past, before dementia destroyed her life.) I pray that the family will come to some sort of solution for all the craziness. If nothing else, to maybe understand that going home to God is sad for the rest of us, but a blessing for the one who dies.
 
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#4,613
#4,613
Vjcvette said:
Oh bless her heart, I'm keeping her in my prayers. I know when my Mother had two failed hip surgeries they gave her morphine when she had the first surgery and that was a nightmare because my Mother had never had a narcotic and was allergic to a lot of medicines and she started hallucinating mice coming out of the walls and it was terrible and it took four days to ware off. So after that I had to fend off all of the drugs, because when you have a person like my Mother who has never taken drugs and then you give her hard narcotics, they feel like they are loosing their mind, I know that one day my Mother called 911 in the hospital bless her heart.
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That's so horrible! And so common in the elderly. I'm glad you were there to fight for her!
 
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#4,615
#4,615
VolNExile said:
That's so horrible! And so common in the elderly. I'm glad you were there to fight for her!
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Oh yes, I do not know how older people make it without having an advocate. One thing that was so cute of my Mother, it was on the forth day when the hallunations had become more friendly and she hallunatiated a horse parade when she looked out the window and wanted me to watch it with her and I told her that I was not able to see it and she got irritated and said "you stand there for 5 minutes and look and you will see it", so I stood there for a few minutes and then when I finally turned around she said " Well you just missed it".
Bless her heart, I sure miss Lovely her <3
PS...I was all snug as a bug in a rug under my Tiger blanket, and a spider jumped on me and I jumped up and took my rob off and shook out my blanket, and I don't know where the spider went. So now I am just pacing around.... :eek:
 
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#4,616
#4,616
Well, he refused hospice. Begged Tiffany to stay because he needs help, and let's the idiot talk him into refusing professional help. Tiffany isn't even in shape to do much, and he just won't accept it. Sorry, I'm just ticked, and don't want to say too much to Tiffany about it. They think they're just going to take her out of the hospital, and stroll to Florida, and the Mayo clinic is going to fix her. They don't understand you have to be approved, and they're not going to accept a person in her condition and try to fix her. Lord forgive me, but they're stupid.
 
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#4,617
#4,617
joevol33 said:
Well, he refused hospice. Begged Tiffany to stay because he needs help, and let's the idiot talk him into refusing professional help. Tiffany isn't even in shape to do much, and he just won't accept it. Sorry, I'm just ticked, and don't want to say too much to Tiffany about it. They think they're just going to take her out of the hospital, and stroll to Florida, and the Mayo clinic is going to fix her. They don't understand you have to be approved, and they're not going to accept a person in her condition and try to fix her. Lord forgive me, but they're stupid.
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Your SIL is making a terrible situation so much worse.

I feel so bad you all are going through this.
 
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#4,618
#4,618
joevol33 said:
Well, he refused hospice. Begged Tiffany to stay because he needs help, and let's the idiot talk him into refusing professional help. Tiffany isn't even in shape to do much, and he just won't accept it. Sorry, I'm just ticked, and don't want to say too much to Tiffany about it. They think they're just going to take her out of the hospital, and stroll to Florida, and the Mayo clinic is going to fix her. They don't understand you have to be approved, and they're not going to accept a person in her condition and try to fix her. Lord forgive me, but they're stupid.
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You need someone to take SIL for a "ride" in the country.

🙏
 
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#4,619
#4,619
joevol33 said:
Well, he refused hospice. Begged Tiffany to stay because he needs help, and let's the idiot talk him into refusing professional help. Tiffany isn't even in shape to do much, and he just won't accept it. Sorry, I'm just ticked, and don't want to say too much to Tiffany about it. They think they're just going to take her out of the hospital, and stroll to Florida, and the Mayo clinic is going to fix her. They don't understand you have to be approved, and they're not going to accept a person in her condition and try to fix her. Lord forgive me, but they're stupid.
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Oh no. I was going to ask if they had suggested hospice yet, cause that would be the answer they need.
 
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#4,620
#4,620
joevol33 said:
Well, he refused hospice. Begged Tiffany to stay because he needs help, and let's the idiot talk him into refusing professional help. Tiffany isn't even in shape to do much, and he just won't accept it. Sorry, I'm just ticked, and don't want to say too much to Tiffany about it. They think they're just going to take her out of the hospital, and stroll to Florida, and the Mayo clinic is going to fix her. They don't understand you have to be approved, and they're not going to accept a person in her condition and try to fix her. Lord forgive me, but they're stupid.
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Joe, time to man up and, with Tiffany's permission, do what is best for her and her mom. Hate to say it but this begins to feel like a setup for a lawsuit by her sister using her father.
 
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#4,621
#4,621
joevol33 said:
Well, he refused hospice. Begged Tiffany to stay because he needs help, and let's the idiot talk him into refusing professional help. Tiffany isn't even in shape to do much, and he just won't accept it. Sorry, I'm just ticked, and don't want to say too much to Tiffany about it. They think they're just going to take her out of the hospital, and stroll to Florida, and the Mayo clinic is going to fix her. They don't understand you have to be approved, and they're not going to accept a person in her condition and try to fix her. Lord forgive me, but they're stupid.
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Would it be possible for Tiffany to be Power of Attorney ?
 
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#4,622
#4,622
508mikey said:
Would it be possible for Tiffany to be Power of Attorney ?
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I'm just guessing, but I'd say no with her dad alive. I've learned that the husband has full say in a situation in a hospital. Anybody wanna guess how I found out?👀🤣. During one of the kids being born, her family (sisters mostly) started arguing over who was going to stay in the room. It's a special moment, and they were yelling and fighting and making me mad. A nurse leaned over and whispered to me, I'm the husband, so if I tell her to kick everyone out, they leave or get arrested. They all left 😁
 
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