Tiffany's Thread (updates and prayers, and a place where she can smack Joe in public when he needs it :)

[joevol33]

All we can do is hope, but he seems to be so easily influenced.

Is your MIL able to talk about her wishes and her fears, and her feelings?

She's been pretty out of it the past couple of days Tiffany said. Her sister talked them into putting her on a hard antidepressant, and Ambien ((if spelled correctly). Last time she said she was scared is when her sister told her if she's going to be weak, then why bother fighting. Idiot. We do know she was saying she wanted a DNR a couple of weeks ago, but I guess they changed her mind for her, cause her dad told them to try every time.

 

[VolNExile]

She's been pretty out of it the past couple of days Tiffany said. Her sister talked them into putting her on a hard antidepressant, and Ambien ((if spelled correctly). Last time she said she was scared is when her sister told her if she's going to be weak, then why bother fighting. Idiot. We do know she was saying she wanted a DNR a couple of weeks ago, but I guess they changed her mind for her, cause her dad told them to try every time.

Ambien (zolpidem) is a sleep aid. It has numerous side effects, including mood and mental effects (depression, hopelessness, confusion, memory issues).

And so your mother-in-law, WHO IS THE PERSON TO WHOM EVERYONE SHOULD BE MOST LISTENING, wanted to be made DNR, and her wishes were overruled?

God, I'm so sorry, and so angry.

It has been mentioned above, but honest to God, EVERYONE who is reading this thread should get their wishes in writing and witnessed. One simple (and very centered on you, not all everyone else around you) is this, and it doesn't require an attorney:

Home · Five Wishes

www.fivewishes.org

Even if you (not Joe, everyone) don't want to formalize it now (but you should, because chit happens), it is a way to think through how you would want to be treated in serious medical events - and yes, "do everything you can" is a perfectly valid option, and it's also an opportunity to discuss/ think out loud Stuff with your family, your pastor, your friends, your doctor - anyone who might be a supportive, reflective listener.

Another link, this one wiki instead of the organization's home page: Five Wishes - Wikipedia

For those hesitant to click the links, because yes, it is uncomfortable to think about this, here's the wiki summary of the Five Wishes:

Wishes 1 and 2 are both legal documents. Once signed, they meet the legal requirements for an advance directive in the states listed below. Wishes 3, 4, and 5 are unique to Five Wishes, in that they address matters of comfort care, spirituality, forgiveness, and final wishes.

• Wish 1: "The Person I Want to Make Care Decisions for Me When I Can't" – This section is an assignment of a health care agent (also called proxy, surrogate, representative, or health care power of attorney). This person makes medical decisions on a person's behalf if they are unable to speak for themselves.
• Wish 2: "The Kind of Medical Treatment I Want or Don't Want" – This section is a living will—a definition of what life support treatment means to a person, and when they would and would not want it.
• Wish 3: "How Comfortable I Want to Be" – This section addresses matters of comfort care—what type of pain management a person would like, personal grooming and bathing instructions, and whether they would like to know about options for hospice care, among others.
• Wish 4: "How I Want People to Treat Me" – This section speaks to personal matters, such as whether one would like to be at home and whether a person would like someone to pray at their bedside.
• Wish 5: "What I Want My Loved Ones to Know" – This section deals with matters of forgiveness, how a person wishes to be remembered, and final wishes regarding funeral or memorial plans.

 

[GordonC]

Even if you (not Joe, everyone) don't want to formalize it now (but you should, because chit happens), it is a way to think through how you would want to be treated in serious medical events - and yes, "do everything you can" is a perfectly valid option, and it's also an opportunity to discuss/ think out loud Stuff with your family, your pastor, your friends, your doctor - anyone who might be a supportive, reflective listener.

This is exactly where I am Exie. You hit the bullseye on this tonight. Sorry, it's Tiff's thread.
This is where I am with my wife.
I could have made the decision on what to do, being the spouse.
However, she is close to one of her brothers. And we have two children. That is their mother.
The past four days have been the most difficult days I've ever faced. We know the situation is dire.
But we know that she's a fighter. She was "supposed to die" in 2013. We went through grief counseling then.
On Monday, I was given three options, none of which end well.
I sat down with the girls, called the brother in Somerset and put the call on speaker, and we talked about this for hours on Monday night.
We all think that is what she would have wanted to do, and she's not capable of making that decision.
It was unanimous.
Difficult days are coming, but we are all on the same page.
sorry for the rant
been surreal the past week
seriously surreal

 

[volwindy]

This is exactly where I am Exie. You hit the bullseye on this tonight. Sorry, it's Tiff's thread.
This is where I am with my wife.
I could have made the decision on what to do, being the spouse.
However, she is close to one of her brothers. And we have two children. That is their mother.
The past four days have been the most difficult days I've ever faced. We know the situation is dire.
But we know that she's a fighter. She was "supposed to die" in 2013. We went through grief counseling then.
On Monday, I was given three options, none of which end well.
I sat down with the girls, called the brother in Somerset and put the call on speaker, and we talked about this for hours on Monday night.
We all think that is what she would have wanted to do, and she's not capable of making that decision.
It was unanimous.
Difficult days are coming, but we are all on the same page.
sorry for the rant
been surreal the past week
seriously surreal

Hugs for you and the fam. I didn't realize how dire it was. Glad your family is doing well with the handling of it.

 

[GordonC]

Hugs for you and the fam. I didn't realize how dire it was. Glad your family is doing well with the handling of it.

thanks
yeah, it's stage 4 glioblastoma already
it is a martha flocker

 

[GordonC]

CANCER SUCKS

 

[WestTennesseeFox]

f*** CANCER

 

[joevol33]

This is exactly where I am Exie. You hit the bullseye on this tonight. Sorry, it's Tiff's thread.
This is where I am with my wife.
I could have made the decision on what to do, being the spouse.
However, she is close to one of her brothers. And we have two children. That is their mother.
The past four days have been the most difficult days I've ever faced. We know the situation is dire.
But we know that she's a fighter. She was "supposed to die" in 2013. We went through grief counseling then.
On Monday, I was given three options, none of which end well.
I sat down with the girls, called the brother in Somerset and put the call on speaker, and we talked about this for hours on Monday night.
We all think that is what she would have wanted to do, and she's not capable of making that decision.
It was unanimous.
Difficult days are coming, but we are all on the same page.
sorry for the rant
been surreal the past week
seriously surreal

It doesn't matter if it's this thread, we're here to listen. I'm glad to hear how you handled it, that's how I imagine it should be, instead of the crap show I'm watching. I do wish you had a better prognosis, but I completely understand that feeling of hopelessness. It sucks, but I'm glad you have your kids, and brother in law. We're praying.

 

[joevol33]

Ambien (zolpidem) is a sleep aid. It has numerous side effects, including mood and mental effects (depression, hopelessness, confusion, memory issues).

And so your mother-in-law, WHO IS THE PERSON TO WHOM EVERYONE SHOULD BE MOST LISTENING, wanted to be made DNR, and her wishes were overruled?

God, I'm so sorry, and so angry.

It has been mentioned above, but honest to God, EVERYONE who is reading this thread should get their wishes in writing and witnessed. One simple (and very centered on you, not all everyone else around you) is this, and it doesn't require an attorney:

Home · Five Wishes

www.fivewishes.org

Even if you (not Joe, everyone) don't want to formalize it now (but you should, because chit happens), it is a way to think through how you would want to be treated in serious medical events - and yes, "do everything you can" is a perfectly valid option, and it's also an opportunity to discuss/ think out loud Stuff with your family, your pastor, your friends, your doctor - anyone who might be a supportive, reflective listener.

Another link, this one wiki instead of the organization's home page: Five Wishes - Wikipedia

For those hesitant to click the links, because yes, it is uncomfortable to think about this, here's the wiki summary of the Five Wishes:

Wishes 1 and 2 are both legal documents. Once signed, they meet the legal requirements for an advance directive in the states listed below. Wishes 3, 4, and 5 are unique to Five Wishes, in that they address matters of comfort care, spirituality, forgiveness, and final wishes.

• Wish 1: "The Person I Want to Make Care Decisions for Me When I Can't" – This section is an assignment of a health care agent (also called proxy, surrogate, representative, or health care power of attorney). This person makes medical decisions on a person's behalf if they are unable to speak for themselves.
• Wish 2: "The Kind of Medical Treatment I Want or Don't Want" – This section is a living will—a definition of what life support treatment means to a person, and when they would and would not want it.
• Wish 3: "How Comfortable I Want to Be" – This section addresses matters of comfort care—what type of pain management a person would like, personal grooming and bathing instructions, and whether they would like to know about options for hospice care, among others.
• Wish 4: "How I Want People to Treat Me" – This section speaks to personal matters, such as whether one would like to be at home and whether a person would like someone to pray at their bedside.
• Wish 5: "What I Want My Loved Ones to Know" – This section deals with matters of forgiveness, how a person wishes to be remembered, and final wishes regarding funeral or memorial plans.

I agree, and we need to get ours in writing. It's one reason I got the legal coverage during open enrollment, for stuff like this. I just can't believe what a circus I'm watching, and I know it sounds too stupid to be true, but sadly it's not. I know these people, and know how they can be, but this is even surprising for me. You can't make up the ignorance I've seen, and it's especially sad at a time like this.

 

[vollygirl]

I agree, and we need to get ours in writing. It's one reason I got the legal coverage during open enrollment, for stuff like this. I just can't believe what a circus I'm watching, and I know it sounds too stupid to be true, but sadly it's not. I know these people, and know how they can be, but this is even surprising for me. You can't make up the ignorance I've seen, and it's especially sad at a time like this.

I'm hoping the staff realizes the influence the daughter had. Any chance he'd be willing to revisit hospice?

 

[vollygirl]

This is exactly where I am Exie. You hit the bullseye on this tonight. Sorry, it's Tiff's thread.
This is where I am with my wife.
I could have made the decision on what to do, being the spouse.
However, she is close to one of her brothers. And we have two children. That is their mother.
The past four days have been the most difficult days I've ever faced. We know the situation is dire.
But we know that she's a fighter. She was "supposed to die" in 2013. We went through grief counseling then.
On Monday, I was given three options, none of which end well.
I sat down with the girls, called the brother in Somerset and put the call on speaker, and we talked about this for hours on Monday night.
We all think that is what she would have wanted to do, and she's not capable of making that decision.
It was unanimous.
Difficult days are coming, but we are all on the same page.
sorry for the rant
been surreal the past week
seriously surreal

I am so sorry.

 

[joevol33]

I'm hoping the staff realizes the influence the daughter had. Any chance he'd be willing to revisit hospice?

I told Tiffany now is her chance to try to talk to him about it

 

[Tin Man]

Standard legal services packages include wills, advanced health care directives, medical and general powers of attorney.

Note about wills, include a contingency clause (e.g. “Should my spouse precede me in death…”). For example, if your first wish is to leave the bulk of your assets to your spouse, do you have alternate wishes should you both die in the same incident (e.g. auto accident, airplane crash…)? Put this in your wills. In stirpes means every living relative, and it concludes almost every will. If your primary beneficiary(s) dies before or with you, designate your secondary beneficiary(s), or the process of settling your affairs is going to entail contact with every living person related to you. This can be lengthy, difficult, and expensive.

 

[VolNExile]

This is exactly where I am Exie. You hit the bullseye on this tonight. Sorry, it's Tiff's thread.
This is where I am with my wife.
I could have made the decision on what to do, being the spouse.
However, she is close to one of her brothers. And we have two children. That is their mother.
The past four days have been the most difficult days I've ever faced. We know the situation is dire.
But we know that she's a fighter. She was "supposed to die" in 2013. We went through grief counseling then.
On Monday, I was given three options, none of which end well.
I sat down with the girls, called the brother in Somerset and put the call on speaker, and we talked about this for hours on Monday night.
We all think that is what she would have wanted to do, and she's not capable of making that decision.
It was unanimous.
Difficult days are coming, but we are all on the same page.
sorry for the rant
been surreal the past week
seriously surreal

I’m so sorry. When you posted yesterday that it was glioblastoma, my heart just broke.

God’s love and blessing on all of you.

 

[VolNExile]

Just a note:

Per the wiki link above, once you pay $25 for the Five Wishes, fill it out, sign it, and have it witnessed, it is a legal document. Exceptions: Kansas, New Hampshire, Ohio, and Texas also require a separate form; maybe your state POLST or MOLST form?

For those who are getting ready to meet with an attorney, you might consider filling it out in the interim. We did the estate planning paperwork in 2020 (second marriage for both of us, kids on both sides), and it took several months, and that was without making a lot of changes.

From the wiki:

Legal requirements

According to analysis by the American Bar Association's Commission on Law and Aging,[8] Five Wishes currently meets the legal requirements for an advance directive in 46 states and the District of Columbia.[9] In the remaining 4 states (Kansas, New Hampshire, Ohio, Texas), a statutory form is required, and one must attach the state document if one wishes to use the Five Wishes document as a guide.

 

[GordonC]

f*** CANCER

I ordered myself a bracelet that says this exact thing in Morse Code last night.

 

[volwindy]

I’m so sorry. When you posted yesterday that it was glioblastoma, my heart just broke.

God’s love and blessing on all of you.

Just made me think of MBRO, didn't even think of the same thing.

I wish I could report better news, unfortunately it's not looking very good. The doctor called a little bit ago. The name they're giving it is grade 4 glioblastoma. It's basically a very aggressive form of brain cancer. They're wanting to set me up with an oncologist asap. They're talking aggressive chemotherapy.

One thing is for sure, God is still on His throne, and He's still in control. I trust Him!

 

[joevol33]

Just made me think of MBRO, didn't even think of the same thing.

He shares the same first name of a friend I have here, who I went fishing with Tuesday. Every time I text this Larry, MBRO's name pops up. I miss him.

 

[volwindy]

He shares the same first name of a friend I have here, who I went fishing with Tuesday. Every time I text this Larry, MBRO's name pops up. I miss him.

I miss him too, we shared a love of sweets.

 

[GordonC]

Neurosurgeon told me yesterday that by the time glioblastoma is identified correctly, it is 90 percent of the time already level 4.

The speed of this is surreal. Absolutely surreal.

Today, there is not much change, only that she is able to open her eyes immediately when someone says something.

I do not want her to suffer. I do not want to lose her, but she's gotta be tired. It was March 11 years ago when she had to be trached. That was 11 years we didn't think we were going to have, but it's never a good time.

I will wear the F*** Cancer bracelet I ordered every day for the rest of my life.

It is a bracelet for females, but IDGAF.

 

[NorCalVol67]

Neurosurgeon told me yesterday that by the time glioblastoma is identified correctly, it is 90 percent of the time already level 4.

The speed of this is surreal. Absolutely surreal.

Today, there is not much change, only that she is able to open her eyes immediately when someone says something.

I do not want her to suffer. I do not want to lose her, but she's gotta be tired. It was March 11 years ago when she had to be trached. That was 11 years we didn't think we were going to have, but it's never a good time.

I will wear the F*** Cancer bracelet I ordered every day for the rest of my life.

It is a bracelet for females, but IDGAF.

So sorry Gordo. I have no words.

 

[joevol33]

Neurosurgeon told me yesterday that by the time glioblastoma is identified correctly, it is 90 percent of the time already level 4.

The speed of this is surreal. Absolutely surreal.

Today, there is not much change, only that she is able to open her eyes immediately when someone says something.

I do not want her to suffer. I do not want to lose her, but she's gotta be tired. It was March 11 years ago when she had to be trached. That was 11 years we didn't think we were going to have, but it's never a good time.

I will wear the F*** Cancer bracelet I ordered every day for the rest of my life.

It is a bracelet for females, but IDGAF.

706-894-6031. I'm at work tonight, but just in case you want to text and vent this weekend, or anytime, just might not get it at work, it's a toss up. You don't have to text or call, I'm just saying I'll listen if you need to.

 

[GordonC]

706-894-6031. I'm at work tonight, but just in case you want to text and vent this weekend, or anytime, just might not get it at work, it's a toss up. You don't have to text or call, I'm just saying I'll listen if you need to.

appreciate it man

 

[Danl]

So sorry, Gordon. I have no words. Cancer sucks!

 

[Weezer]

706-894-6031. I'm at work tonight, but just in case you want to text and vent this weekend, or anytime, just might not get it at work, it's a toss up. You don't have to text or call, I'm just saying I'll listen if you need to.

Sending nudz.