"And welcome back to the 2011 NFL draft, I'm Chris Berman. The Dallas Cowboys are on the clock now with the number 9 pick, Mel, what do you think we'll see?"
"Well Boom, the only two players Dallas really needed were Dareus and Peterson, and they are both gone. Prince Akamasodfu0sadf has taken a dramatic fall since people realizes he wasn't that fast, and none of the big 4 tackles are really worth a number 9 overall pick, and JJ Watson would also be a reach"
(back to boom) "So Mel, what do you think will happen?"
"Well Boom, Dallas could easily take the troubled Cam Newton. Jerry Jones has made it clear he loves Newton's athleticism and on the field will to win. He's a kid that has all the intangibles except humility, self awareness, and has consistently shown zero intelligence academically. He'll fit perfectly in Dallas Boom; he can learn the QB position while Tony marries family members from the cast of Gossip Girl and wears ridiculous hats that make him look like he's about to hit the links at Bushwood CC."
"And ya know what Mel? Everyone seems to think Washington will take Newton with the next pick, is it possible someone like Vikings, Dolphins, Jags, Seahawks jump up and get him?"
"That's just an amazing insight by you Boom. In fact, some would call it stunning. Yes, I think that might just be a possibility. Its also possible that since the Redskins are run by clownish buffoons, they might be dumb enough to move up one spot and pay a second rounder for it just to make sure Dallas won't take Newton."
(Announcer): Trade!
"And folks, we are now hearing that the Dolphins and their infantile minded, back stabbing douchebag of an owner has ordered GM Jeff Ireland to leapfrog up to the 9 spot. Dallas will get the 15th pick as well as Miami's first rounder next season. Speaking in the third person, I must say, Good job Boom. Lets go to the stage as the Commish makes the announcement".
"Before announcing the pick, I'd like to thank the assembled press corps for being completely worthless at their jobs. Its not often someone in my position can make every rule, every negotiation the opposite of what I tell reporters, and they don't care. I don't care about players health, hell, we even told them we were cutting off their health insurance when the lockout happend. We've moving to an 18 game schedule. Only an idiot would believe me . . . except Peter King and the associated NFL reporters. With the 9th pick in the 2011 NFL draft, the Miami Dolphins select Cam Newton, Cam Newton's father from the previously accreditted University of Auburn"
(fade to black . . . )