Brother, do not...do not...let the Devil steal your spirit.
There is an active debate at our church regarding the qualified concealed carry by LEO's, LEOSA vets, and select CCW holders. The church has a security team (unarmed), and very solid procedures in place for protecting the kids, etc. There is an elementary school next door, and they have an MOU with our church, which has full-time daycare, about lockdown procedures, sheltering, and so forth.
The security director, who I am friends with, disagrees with me regarding armed security. What I have tried to explain to him, numerous times, is that I (or any other qualified toter who is there) would not move or intervene in any scenario that might play out unless (a) someone is injuring members of the church, or (b) a child is in danger of being harmed or abducted, in which case our job is simply to close the distance to can't-miss range, and eliminate the threat.
The Pastor sides with me, but I am...no, make that was, reluctant to carry at church out of respect for my friend.
I think I just changed my mind. The flock is more important than one sheep.
Hang in there. If all the Good Guys give up, then what?